Just over a month ago something happened to me that totally changed me. That morning I had gone to my Summer Biology class and once I got home from that I had a Newspaper Editor's meeting to go to. It was a good day because I did not have to ask my busy parents for rides to these things I had to do. I had gotten my driver license a week before and I had been using a car that was not really mine, I was just borrowing it until my Celica was finished - it was meant to be my little sister's car - for five days. It was great. My fabulous summer was about to pan out. I had a job, the freedom of a car, and a best friend who would be returning from Europe/Arizona in a couple of weeks. This was going to be the best summer of my life.
After the Newspaper meeting I headed to the bank to deposit my check and cash Emily's. We had agreed to split the cost on Sims 3 and I was going to go pick it up as soon as I had the money. I did all of that without a problem. Still happy, still loving life. Not aware that all of that was going to be shattered (though not as badly as it could have) within the hour. I was driving home from Target and it was rush hour. I got to the intersection at Main Street by Walmart and could not get over to turn left like I wanted to. I did not think this was a big deal; I knew the area well and could get home by continuing west.
I then thought that I might be able to turn into the gas station or any of the parking lots in that area and get myself onto King Street. But it was really busy and I got nervous about the cars behind me. So I kept heading west. Eventually I turned onto Sugar Street and when I got to the corner where I would turn left onto Gentile I realized that I would never get out of there (not in the sense that it could mean, though). I never did get out of there. I thought I was good to go. To my left I was clear, to my right I was clear. So I went. And a truck hit me. That may sound like it was the truck's fault. It was not. However, I have not yet figured out how to word it clearly.
I remember the car being pushed north-west and it shot forward. The driver's side window was broken. I slammed the break, though I do not remember having done so, and turned the key frantically. I tried to get it out of the ignition once the car was turned off but it would not come out. Later, my mom told me that she was able to get it out just fine. I looked around the car frantically for my cell phone. I felt like I could not breath. I was not crying yet. I somehow managed to call home and my mom picked up. Every time I had called her that day she had been worried. "Are you ok?" She would ask. "I'm fine mom" would be my reply, as if I would get into an accident. Jeez, mom have a little faith. That sounds stupid doesn't it? It was honestly what I thought though. When she answered this time she did not ask if I was ok. She just said hello. I did not say hello back. What I remember saying is this: "Mom, mom. Mom, I was in an accident. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." And then there were a lot more 'I'm sorrys' as my mom tried to figure out where I was and told me that she was coming.
After a moment I got out of the car. Things are such a blur to me that I do not remember what I did while I was waiting for my mom and my step dad to get there. I did not start crying until she was there. Until, she parked across the street at the gas station and came running to me. She hugged me and held onto her. I don't really know what else happened. The police came. My mom and Bill talked with them and I was told to sit in my mom's car. So I did.
I was so lucky that the only injuries I got were a small scratch above my left elbow and a headache. Later we realized that it must have been my head that broke the window. The truck had hit further forward on the car. If it had not I probably would have been very seriously injured. I am lucky.
I am not really sure why I decided to finally write about this today. Whenever I think about it I feel this overpowering sense of guilt. Because as much as I talk about how it has affected my summer - how I lost that freedom, how I could not drive to Lagoon for work anymore and therefore have no money, how I will no longer get that Celica or how I basically spent my savings bond on that accident - I do realize that it has affected the rest of my family too. I do not have a job anymore (mostly because I realized that I did not want to work at Lagoon) and so my mom is paying insurance on a car that we no longer have and a driver who is not even driving anything. Emily does not get the Civic (instead she gets the Celica) which was her car in the first place, etc, etc.
For the past month my life has been crazy. I have been trying so hard to figure out how to make everything right again. I think I'm beginning to get there. I spent all day yesterday filling out job applications online and Carley helped me by driving me around to pick up applications as well. I have realized that I can not fix it entirely. Thirty seconds and one bad decision. Who would have thought?
Anyway, I am lucky. Lucky that I was not hurt worse. Lucky that my family is supportive. Lucky that I can get a new job and a car and still be able to drive. I am lucky that, contrary to what I thought just days afterward, I am loving my life. Lucky that I am happy. I am lucky that I have friends who were concerned as well as friends who, after they realized I was all right, were able to laugh about it and help me feel just a little bit better if only for a minute.
A month after the fact and it still hurts sometimes. When Bill and mom are talking about the car that was supposed to be mine or when I wonder who is going to hire me and when I will be able to afford to register my dad's old van that I will be using or when I think about all of the money that I cost myself and my parents, it hurts.
However, with the amount of applications I filled out yesterday, I should have new job soon, and after a while I will have the money I need to register and insure the van. My friends and I have ways of hanging out without spending money. I was able to ride the bus to and from my Summer Biology class. My summer hasn't been ruined after all. There was a rough patch that I am now making my way out of, but it is definitely going to be just fine. This last half of summer is still going to be great.
My mom wrote about the accident a lot sooner after it happened. She also has pictures of the car.
