About a week and a half from now I will be starting an internship with the very teacher who first had me start this blog three years ago. I am so excited for this experience not only because I will love being back in his classroom on a regular basis and I will love learning from him once again, but because I hope that it really gives me some insight into whether or not I really want to pursue becoming an English teacher.
In my life I have dreamed of becoming many things. The first that I can remember is a firefighter. After that aerospace engineer, geologist, English teacher, journalist, and clinical psychologist all come to mind. That list (minus the firefighter) is just from junior high to the present and only includes the ones that I seriously considered as something I might like. There have been times when other, less realistic, ideas have come to mind. For example, I have always wanted to be a novelist. I have sometimes thought that being a foreign correspondent would be amazing. However, I don't believe that I could truly be successful at either one of those careers.
Last year I discovered that I have a true passion for Psychology. I also happened to hate my English class last year. Even though I was successful in AP Language, I did not like what I was learning (or lack thereof) and I found that I would much rather be in my AP Psychology class. This year I have a teacher (for AP Literature and Creative Writing) that I am sure that I will love. However, there are no more psychology related classes at my school for me to take. I don't know if it will be possible for me to get a side by side comparison of my two favorite subjects while in high school.
So the purpose of my internship with Mr. T is to see if being an English teacher is a career that I want to seriously consider. The other career option that I have in my mind is a clinical psychologist. I would really love the classes required to become either, I think. The real question lies in which work would satisfy me most or make me the happiest. I am going to see if I can get another internship next semester with a clinical psychologist and maybe narrow my career (or at least college course) a little bit. I don't know how successful this will be (for all I know, I will decide that I would not be successful in either career) but I think that it is going to be well worth my time.
Even if I decide that I don't want to be an English teacher, I am sure that my experience as Mr. T's intern will be a great one for me. No matter what I end up doing in college or in my life, English will always be a passion of mine. It has been since I was in elementary school.
I can't wait to begin my internship. I can't wait to be back in the halls of Fairfield on a regular basis (I know, I'm a nerd.) I can't wait to see where this takes me, how working with Mr. T will, once again, change the course of my plans and dreams. I think it is going to awesome.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
The Ups and Downs of Growing Up
Since I wrote last, nearly 3 weeks ago, a lot has happened in my life. I am working 2 jobs, I have finally managed to get my van (temporarily) registered, and I have done a lot of thinking. The last one is not really that unusual. I do a lot of thinking on a daily basis. The subject matter isn't really that unusual either.
Change.
It's a topic that have written about so many times on this blog. It makes sense. I started this blog when I was 14, almost 15. That is a major time for change in any person's life. Now, I'm almost 18. The change that has occurred in my life in the last 3 years is unbelievable in some ways. I don't think I could have ever imagined it when I was 14. I probably could not have even imagined the things that would happen before the end of that year.
Now I am being faced with so many HUGE changes. Some of them are proving to be really, really good. I love the feeling I get from making my own money and paying for my own car. The feeling that I can do these things myself, that I have reached that level of independence is amazing. It's a feeling that I was able to feel very briefly last year before I totaled my car, though I don't believe that feeling was as strong as the feeling I have now. I've had to work hard to get to where I am now. I have gained a knowledge of the real world and of real life that I didn't have last summer.
I love that I can tell the difference between how grown up I thought I was last year and how I am growing up now. It's like comparing the feeling had in elementary school when you finally reached 6th grade and the feeling my friends and I discuss now as we realize that, holy cow, we're graduating this year. How did that happen? How did I reach this point?
Sometimes I still feel like a 6th grader. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by it all and am left feeling small and not quite ready for all of this. It's like the feeling I had when I walked into Fairfield for the first time. I had said over and over again that I was not at all afraid of moving on to junior high, but at that moment, as I looked around the commons for the first time, I felt small and overwhelmed. I suddenly worried that I would never fit in, that I would get bad grades and that I wouldn't be able to handle it all. My confidence came back before that night was over, but periodically throughout 7th grade it returned.
I think that is just how I adjust to big changes in my life. Moving on to high school was not as bad because by then I knew myself more and was incredibly confident that my friends and I would survive our sophomore year. I was luckier in junior high than I was in elementary school. It gave me a sense of control over my life that made the transition into high school a breeze. I realized that it really wasn't that big of a move.
The changes that are happening and will happen in the next year, however, feel very big to me. I find that I am back to feeling small and overwhelmed sometimes. I worry that, with all of these big things going on, I'm going to miss something big and I'll find myself struggling to find a new path to go down. I find myself worrying that I am going to get lost again, like I did last summer. Those are the moments when I find myself thinking about the more difficult parts of my new-found independence.
There are moments when I realize that there is some part of all of these changes that I don't like so much. That happened to me before I started writing this blog. Lately, because of the work I have been doing to earn money for my van, I have had to miss out on time with my sisters and my mom. Today they all went to Salt Lake to help my mom with her work while I was working at Boondocks. I know that this doesn't sound very exciting, but I miss doing things and going places with them. When everyone else was done with dinner I found myself sitting at the table, holding my glass of milk and thinking 'This is going to happen more and more often from now on.' It's the part of growing up that I think I am going to like the least.
I guess I never realized in the past when I was so anxious to get to this point in my life that independence meant doing more things on my own and doing less things with my family. It kind of seems like a 'duh', huh?
My cousin, Jack, who I have been babysitting 4 days a week loves pirates, especially Captain Hook. My first week watching him I watched Peter Pan at least twice. I guess there are some parts of living in Neverland that I wouldn't mind. I mean, the Lost Boys spend all of their time together. I think my sisters and I should become the Lost Girls. I don't think that they would agree with me that we should hang out together constantly. I just miss them, I guess.
Now, just because I put the bad parts of growing up at the end of this blog does not mean that I am not happy with my life right now. In fact, I am happier with my life as it is at this moment than I have been in the past year. I love that I am working and that I am going to have money. I absolutely love that I can get to and from work and basically anywhere else I have to go without having to ask someone for a ride. I love that this is my last year of high school and I am excited for all of the college preparation I get to do this year.
Life is good. It really is, but I wouldn't mind escaping to Neverland for just a little while.
Change.
It's a topic that have written about so many times on this blog. It makes sense. I started this blog when I was 14, almost 15. That is a major time for change in any person's life. Now, I'm almost 18. The change that has occurred in my life in the last 3 years is unbelievable in some ways. I don't think I could have ever imagined it when I was 14. I probably could not have even imagined the things that would happen before the end of that year.
Now I am being faced with so many HUGE changes. Some of them are proving to be really, really good. I love the feeling I get from making my own money and paying for my own car. The feeling that I can do these things myself, that I have reached that level of independence is amazing. It's a feeling that I was able to feel very briefly last year before I totaled my car, though I don't believe that feeling was as strong as the feeling I have now. I've had to work hard to get to where I am now. I have gained a knowledge of the real world and of real life that I didn't have last summer.
I love that I can tell the difference between how grown up I thought I was last year and how I am growing up now. It's like comparing the feeling had in elementary school when you finally reached 6th grade and the feeling my friends and I discuss now as we realize that, holy cow, we're graduating this year. How did that happen? How did I reach this point?
Sometimes I still feel like a 6th grader. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by it all and am left feeling small and not quite ready for all of this. It's like the feeling I had when I walked into Fairfield for the first time. I had said over and over again that I was not at all afraid of moving on to junior high, but at that moment, as I looked around the commons for the first time, I felt small and overwhelmed. I suddenly worried that I would never fit in, that I would get bad grades and that I wouldn't be able to handle it all. My confidence came back before that night was over, but periodically throughout 7th grade it returned.
I think that is just how I adjust to big changes in my life. Moving on to high school was not as bad because by then I knew myself more and was incredibly confident that my friends and I would survive our sophomore year. I was luckier in junior high than I was in elementary school. It gave me a sense of control over my life that made the transition into high school a breeze. I realized that it really wasn't that big of a move.
The changes that are happening and will happen in the next year, however, feel very big to me. I find that I am back to feeling small and overwhelmed sometimes. I worry that, with all of these big things going on, I'm going to miss something big and I'll find myself struggling to find a new path to go down. I find myself worrying that I am going to get lost again, like I did last summer. Those are the moments when I find myself thinking about the more difficult parts of my new-found independence.
There are moments when I realize that there is some part of all of these changes that I don't like so much. That happened to me before I started writing this blog. Lately, because of the work I have been doing to earn money for my van, I have had to miss out on time with my sisters and my mom. Today they all went to Salt Lake to help my mom with her work while I was working at Boondocks. I know that this doesn't sound very exciting, but I miss doing things and going places with them. When everyone else was done with dinner I found myself sitting at the table, holding my glass of milk and thinking 'This is going to happen more and more often from now on.' It's the part of growing up that I think I am going to like the least.
I guess I never realized in the past when I was so anxious to get to this point in my life that independence meant doing more things on my own and doing less things with my family. It kind of seems like a 'duh', huh?
My cousin, Jack, who I have been babysitting 4 days a week loves pirates, especially Captain Hook. My first week watching him I watched Peter Pan at least twice. I guess there are some parts of living in Neverland that I wouldn't mind. I mean, the Lost Boys spend all of their time together. I think my sisters and I should become the Lost Girls. I don't think that they would agree with me that we should hang out together constantly. I just miss them, I guess.
Now, just because I put the bad parts of growing up at the end of this blog does not mean that I am not happy with my life right now. In fact, I am happier with my life as it is at this moment than I have been in the past year. I love that I am working and that I am going to have money. I absolutely love that I can get to and from work and basically anywhere else I have to go without having to ask someone for a ride. I love that this is my last year of high school and I am excited for all of the college preparation I get to do this year.
Life is good. It really is, but I wouldn't mind escaping to Neverland for just a little while.
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