Darling

For the longest time (about two weeks now), I've had this feeling of dread and just plain unhappiness that I haven't been able to shake. When I feel like this I usually grab a book and that's all people see me doing until I can get it to go away. This hasn't happened to me in a long time, and I've never really found anything that brings it on. I just start to feel like something is wrong and that I don't want to be around people.

My friends and family have noticed that lately I separate myself from them and go off on my own whenever I can. I come home, do my chores, and go straight up to my room. During school I eat lunch and then go to the commons to read until the bell rings. In class I read before the bell rings because it keeps people from talking to me (and I am reading a good book, not amazing, but that's an entirely different topic). Today I found my way out of that. It surprised me what ended up doing it, but I was glad that it happened, so glad.

In seventh grade I didn't really have a whole lot of friends. I joined the Science Olympiad team and I joined MESA and that's basically where all of my friends came from. I am so glad that I ended up doing these things because I met some of the most amazing people that year.

Two of my very best friends that year were ninth graders. We met through Science Olympiad, specifically the Meteorology event because we practiced together. At first I didn't really know what to say to them, and I don't really know exactly how I started talking to them, but I do know that by the end of the year Lori and Becca were the coolest people I knew. We even had nicknames for each other. Haha. Granted, they weren't very original nicknames. To me the two of them were "the crazy 9th graders" and to them I was "the one and only crazy seventh grader". I told them this year that since I was now the "crazy 9th grader" that I would have to find a crazy 7th grader of my own. That hasn't happened, and I don't think it will.

I don't really talk to Lori and Becca much anymore. It's sad, but I've hardly spent any time with them since they left Fairfield. I still think about them all the time, and I wonder if I'm anything like them. I've always wanted to be like them. They are the greatest, nicest, and smartest people I've met and had a chance to be friends with. The things they did were things I wanted to do. I picked up the crazy things, like eating 3 dum dum suckers at a time, and I tried to pick up the good things they did.

I talk to Becca and Lori when I can, and I'm always interested in what is going on with them. This week I've talked to Lori a couple times, and I think that it was because of those conversations that I am feeling so awesome right now.

Have you ever seen someone that made such a difference in your life after not seeing them/talking to them in months? Well it's one of the greatest experiences ever. I was so glad to see Lori today, but I didn't think I was really going to talk to her. She's at the school sometimes for Falcon Academy, and although I see her she never really seems to have time to talk to me. It was so great to have her come into my seventh period and then come over to talk to me. We talked about possibly hanging out sometime and how busy we are and how I never talk to them anymore, but that wasn't the funnest part of the conversation.

Lori says I remind her of Becca. It makes me curious as to how I remind her of Becca, but she says I'm just like Becca was when she was in 9th grade. I doubt that. I'm not nearly as awesome as Becca is, but it definitely made me happy to hear that.

The funniest part of the whole thing was when Rosie came over and started talking to us. Lori said that she just think Rosie's little sister is so "darling" and it made me laugh so hard. Lori and Becca always said darling that year that we went to the same school, and it was so funny to me. They were the only people I had ever met who had called me, or anything, darling. To hear her say that just brought a flood of memories back. Days walking through the halls together or Science Olympiad practices.

So even though I don't really have any idea when I'm going to get the chance to see Lori and Becca or talk to them again it was so great to be able to see one of them. Just thinking about them is enough to make me happy. I miss them so much, but I'm hoping that we might get to see each other and hang out soon. Our lives are so busy, but they're only going to get busier.

So that's why I've gone from really kind of depressed to extremely happy in the last hour and a half. Life is pretty good. I'm loving the way my life is going and I love that I've had so many great opportunities.

Anyway... Enough of that. It's not like anyone reads this blog anyway...