Monday, November 28, 2011
Uncertainties
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Just a Little Something
This little bit of writing has been stuck in the back of my head for a week now. I don't know what it is yet. Maybe it's part of what would have been my NaNoWriMo novel had I had time to participate this year. It started off as a train piece in my mind. Maybe that's what it will continue to be. I'm not sure. Either way, I wanted to put it out there just to see if anyone thought anything of it.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
A Society of Roosters
Friday, October 21, 2011
BFftM: Best Friends for the Moment
If you look through my blogs of the past five years, you will notice that I have a different best friend almost every year. 9th grade was the year that Mary Lauren and I spent all of our time together, sophmore year was Ian, junior year was Kara, senior year was Maddy... I only even still talk to one of those four. Lately, my best friend has been a girl from Boondocks who is also a cook. Tori is a year younger than me and we actually met two years ago when she was new at our high school and Carley and I were ambassadors.
It wasn't until the last month or so that Tori and I started hanging out. One night at work we were having a really good conversation but couldn't finish it because we had cleaning to get done. When we were done we went out to one of our cars and just continued the conversation.
Now it has become kind of a thing for us. Whenever we finish working but we're not really ready to go home for the night, we get in our cars and meet somewhere to talk. Sometimes we just sit there and listen to music and tonight she told me a story as we looked at the stars through my sun rough. As we were watching, a shooting star shot across the sky. Tori had never seen one before and it was so cool because it worked really well with the story she was telling.
It's great to have a friend who I can tell the things that I never felt that I could tell to anyone else, but I wish there was something in my life that was more consistent. My work and school schedules are always changing, the friends that I have are always changing, and I don't see my family that often anymore. I feel like I'm all over the place all of the time and it reminds me of Desmond from LOST.
I guess I just need a Constant.
:D
Thursday, September 29, 2011
I didn't expect this to be so hard...
I hope they're having fun in Boston, though!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Beauty in the Stars
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Promotion!
Still, I love the people that I work with and I even love the work that I'm doing most of the time. Every day that I work is a day that I am improving my skills in cooking, cleaning and leadership. It may be really difficult for me to remain sane some days, but I still love it.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Just Keep Swimming...
I'm not so sure that I've got this whole college thing figured out yet. I'm still just trying to get through every moment without drowning in it. But I'm doing better. I'm definitely enjoying myself more. I think I've found a way to get through my Astronomy class without losing my scholarship.
I'm also finally getting some time off.
Next week I'm going to New Orleans with my dad and some other family for a conference that he is recording. I'm not really sure what I'm going to be doing, but he's paying me to leave school and work behind for five days. I'm all for it. I get on a plane with my cousin next Wednesday evening. We'll meet my dad and the others at the airport. Then I'm coming home Sunday morning. Once I'm home, I'll have no school and no work until the next day. Isn't it great? One whole day with no school and no work. I had forgotten that such days exist.
Anyway, I just wanted to check in briefly because I haven't written in a while. I'll probably post my paper when I'm done with it, but that might not be until I turn in the final draft next week.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
College
This single word is something that I have seen as quite unattainable since I was little. Ten year old Madie could never have conceived that she would ever grow up. Fifteen year old Madi had no idea that, while most of high school would pass by in a blur, she would soon be hoping for the painfully slow weeks prior to graduation to go even the slightest bit faster. Eighteen year old Catherine, or Cat as some of my newer friends call me, is completely overwhelmed by whatever it is that she's gotten herself into.
After having wished away so much time and having spent years and years dreaming of what college would be like, it is strange to be able to finally say that I am a student at Weber State University. It is even more strange to walk into a class and be surrounded by people not only my age but any number of years older than me (a guy in my English 2010 class who I get into discussions with every class, announced yesterday that he has been out of school for 20 years.) It is weird not to be surrounded by people I know and it is a relief to not have to play the social game that was life at Layton High.
Yet, for all of its oddities, I have never felt more in my element than I do when I'm walking through the Union Building or discussing the politics of Modern Family in class.
This is by far, the biggest thing that has ever happened to me, and if I could have some time to just figure out how I'm going to handle all of the homework and get a good study schedule put together, then I would be loving it that much more. However, on top of starting college, I've also been dealing with an ever-increasing number of hours at work. This is because, just over a month ago, my boss fired two of our cooks at the same time that our manager and another cook quit.
For the last few weeks, everyone in the kitchen at Boondocks has been commenting on how different it is. After what happened, there were only half of our original group left. Five new people have been hired since then and the five of us who were left behind have been scrambling to get these newbies trained and to a point where we can step back and let them have a shift or two to themselves.
In the middle of this, it seems that everyone is passing around some "sickness" that always infects them mere hours before their shifts. Do you care to take a stab at who is being asked to cover all of these shifts?
It wouldn't be so bad if I could just figure out how to do all of my homework and work all of these shifts at the same time. What I need is one full day with no classes and no work to take a deep breath and get organized (and do my laundry.)
One tip for anyone still in high school: take the time and make a habit out of reading your textbooks. If you can make it any easier/less like a death sentence now, then you will just do that much better once you get to college. While a lot of what teachers say about college being a completely different, more difficult experience is not as huge as it is made out to be, there is a lot more reading required and there is no way to get around it in most cases.
I know this and I am only halfway through my second week.
I'm going to try to start writing on a regular basis as soon as I've got my study schedule figured out. College classes are giving me a LOT to think about and it seems like I have a great topic for this blog on a daily basis. There is just so much going on in my life right now.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Where I Belong
Monday, July 25, 2011
Where has the summer gone?
And...
When I think about it, my life isn't really lacking inspiration for characters. All around me are people who inspire me. I just... Don't have a story. Where do I start? That is something I would like to ask every author. What scene did they first write? I very much doubt that J.K. Rowling began writing her epic tale in the cupboard under the stairs. In fact, I'd like to imagine that it was the scene on the train where Ron, Hermione and Harry first meet, or even the scene in the Forbidden Forrest when Harry encounters Voldemort drinking the unicorn blood.
Or...
Did she start from the end? It is common knowledge that the last chapter of the seventh book was actually written before she completed writing the first one. How could she have possibly known how big her fictional world would become when she first wrote that final chapter, though? I think I'd love to see the original draft of it. I think it would be a really good testament to the writing process to see how much it all changed between the publication of the Deathly Hallows and the conception of the Sorcerer's Stone.
Wow...
I'm just going to pretend that the Harry Potter nerdiness that pretty much is my life has not seeped into this blog, alright? We're just going to ignore all those words that
A Crew Lead and a Supervisor from my work were fired today. Both are guys that I have worked with for a while and have come to know at least semi-decently. I saw them both in the kitchen before I knew they were fired and even had an interaction with one that confused me at the time. I doubt I will see either of them ever again. I had no idea at the time, though. These things happen to me all of the time. People come in and out of everyones' lives. It is just how the world works. Still, when things like this happen... I just feel the urge to write them somehow. It's not that I have any kind of story to tell about the two people that were fired today, but rather that I feel like their personalities are such that I want to write them into something... How can I, though, when I have nothing to write in the first place?
Anyway, pointless contemplation aside, I have the day off tomorrow. It is the last day off that I am going to have for two weeks. Partay. So I really do think that I should find some way to write a story with all of these characters floating around in my head. After all, there are four completely empty composition notebooks next to my bed that I bought months ago in preparation for this summer. There are only four weeks left. Does anyone have a muse that I could borrow?
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Pay no attention to my rambling...
Everything about the past year has been different. Parts of it have been fun and others have been difficult. Still others have been downright irritating. Still, I knew it was all coming. I've been prepared for nearly every change that has occurred in my life in the last year.
Yet, it seems that no amount of preparation is enough. I knew that with graduation everything was going to change once again. I'm no stranger to adjusting. It seems that for the last couple of years, every time I've become used to the way my life seems to work everything begins to change again. I've learned the best ways to roll with the punches and adjust to my flexible environment.
Still, I'm a little overwhelmed this time.
A little less than a year ago, I was hired at Boondocks Fun Center. I've been working as a cook in the Back Porch Grill for eleven months now and I feel like I am finally getting to the point where I can handle a rush without freaking out and screwing up. It's something that I've worked very hard toward. I've created friendships with the people I work with and I think my manager finally sees that I am serious about my job.
It just figures that now that I find myself liking my workplace and the people I work with, I am finding myself faced with a difficult and yet obvious decision. I'm not getting the hours I need. I should be working at least thirty hours a week and I'm lucky at this point to be getting thirty hours a paycheck. It has been enough to get me by for the past year, but... Like I said, everything's changing now. I can no longer get by on $250 a month.
I need another job to get me through the summer. Then, come August, I will probably be forced with a decision. Which job will best for me during the school year? Which job can I afford to keep?
The problem is, I hate the process of finding a job. It took me a year to get my interview with Boondocks. It was a year of applications, resumes and plenty of frustration. I hated that part of my life. I don't want to be back there again. I don't know how some people do it. I tried for a year. I filled out hundreds of job applications and was only even asked in for one interview. Now I have to do it all again and I have to do it while working my job at Boondocks.
When did summer stop being about days spent out in the sun? When did it become just another period of time for me to get through so that I can move on to the next? The thing that I've hated most about graduating is that I feel like I'm nowhere right now. I'm not really working toward anything except being about to afford life. I have goals, but nothing big. I feel like I'm doing nothing. There's nothing worse then that feeling. I spent the better part of my time on this blog in 2010 talking about how much I hate it, that feeling of not going anywhere but having so much that I really need to do.
I guess I just need to take a deep breath. There's really nothing that will come from ranting about it all.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Inspired
I may sit down and write about it all for at least a few hours. I don't think I'd ever want anyone to read it, but that's not the point, is it? Natalie Goldberg talks a lot about "first thoughts" and writes a chapter on obsessions and that seems to be the mode that this book has put my mind in right now. Every new thought or memory that comes to mind is surprising and I just need a way to express them all without losing a single one. It sounds like I'm writing in the wrong place right now, doesn't it? If I'm having all of these "first thoughts" that really should be written down, why I am writing about them instead?
I think I'm going to go write in my notebook for a little while. I'll let you know if anything good comes out of it, but I don't really mind if nothing does.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
The Other Side Revisited
"Why can't I move? Why can't I force myself from this spot? I mean, I'm standing here staring at a train!" She exclaimed into her phone. Why did she do this to herself, she wondered as she wrapped her free arm around her stomach. "It's not even the same train station he left from, and yet, I can't leave. I feel like maybe if I stand here long enough, he'll come back. Is that crazy?"
"I don't think you have quite reached crazy yet." Her sister's voice reassured her over the phone. "Obsessive, definitely... A little unreasonable, but you have not been trying to track him down like you originally said you were going to, so I think you may still be sane."
"I just wish he could have forgiven me, you know? I mean, we both made mistakes. I didn't jump on a train just to get away from them, though. I dealt with my problems." The anger that she had worked so hard to force down was now beginning to creep back up her throat. "He didn't even let anyone know where he was going! I know we weren't speaking, but don't you think I deserved something from him at least?" She felt like she was begging for some kind of reassurance that she had been wronged.
"Honestly?" Her sister's voice was hesitant. "I don't think you did. You hurt him just as much as he hurt you, sis. I think peace was really all either of you could expect from each other and he tried to give that to you."
In the station, the young woman took a deep breath, unable to deny the truth to her sister's words. "I know," she admitted quietly.
"Listen, I have to go. Mom's waiting for me. Try not to focus on it, alright? You will be fine once you stop dwelling on all the bad blood. Try to think of it as a fresh start. You still deserve happiness. Even he wouldn't deny you that."
"Yeah. I'll try. Thanks for listening." She considered her sister's words, turning them around and around in her mind.
"No problem. That's what sisters are for. Love you."
"Love you, too. Tell mom I said hi." When her sister disconnected she flipped her phone shut, pulling both arms tight around herself, trying to hold it all together. Her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to forget the distance separating her from everyone that had ever mattered to her.
She regretted the silence that had been her final moments with him. They had left their known world for this one, together, looking for a new start, but she had been so cold in the end. She should have tried to talk to him. Instead of months of silence, there could have been words. They could have fixed it, she knew that now, too late.
What he had seen was that she showed no sorrow for the events that tore them apart. She had been so desperate to keep herself safe and together that she had become a stone. Maybe if she had let him in, he would have been able to forgive her and she would not be left watching trains come and go from an empty station.
She had left everyone else behind for a chance with him and she had messed it all up without looking at the damage she had caused. Opening her eyes, she took one more deep breath. She turned to leave the station, realizing what she should have known all along.
Without him, she had nothing but a fresh start because without him by her side... She was completely alone to pick up the pieces.
The Platform Revisited
"The world moved on."*
These quiet words snuck their way to the forefront of his mind from a book he remembered reading long ago. Back then, he was enchanted by the profound sound of such a simple phrase, but he had never really considered them any further than that.
Now, as he stood at the edge of the platform waiting for his train, somewhere between his old life and his new beginning, he forced himself to examine the words he had once so ignorantly admired. His world had certainly moved on. Long gone were the day of naiive camaraderie and laughter. Somewhere between all of the words he had said and all those he had never had the courage to express, his world and the sepereate worlds of all those around him had moved on.
Standing there, he supposed it must be time for him to move on as well. He could not just continue to live in this limbo between his past and his future, watching but not living as the world passed him by in a blur of activity.
Forgive and forget, he thought as he watched all the other people in the station coming and going, never standing still. his past would always be a part of him, but maybe just this once he could move on without bringing all of his bitterness with him.
The low rumble of an approaching train reached his ears and brought his attention to the dark tunnel as it began to slowly fill with blinding white light. He had no choice now, he thought as the train came to a complete stop in front of him and the doors slid open slowly. There was no way for him to deny that he really had to move on now.
He took a deep breath as he settled in his seat and looked out the window on the platform. He felt the gears begin to grind together beneath him as the train began to move.
Back on the platform, no one noticed the luggage that he had left behind.
* Phrase comes from Stephen King's The Gunslinger.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Lost Pieces and Inspiration
I've written six pieces that I was able to locate this morning. I'm pretty sure they are all on my blog, but if they aren't they will be soon (I plan to start posting all of the writing I did this year that is not up yet.) However, there is a seventh piece that I know that I wrote and that I really liked that I cannot find anywhere. It makes me sad, but I think at this point I will just rewrite it. I still like the concept of the piece and I can probably make it stronger if I write it now as opposed to two o'clock in the morning when I originally wrote it.
Anyway, I was just on the computer looking through files to find the pieces and I thought I would come explain to everyone who reads this what I am up to today... I don't know why.
Oh! Now I'm going to rant about the books that I've been given lately that I'm going to be using for inspiration in my writing this summer. :)
The first is Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. This book is one that my Creative Writing/AP Literature teacher gave me before school ended. I had borrowed a copy from her but had not been able to finish it before giving it back to her. I love it so far. Natalie Goldberg really has some great things to say about writing. She talks about how important it is to just write and not question your writing (like I just did with the end of this sentence, rewritten about ten times.) I think I am really going to learn a lot and my writing is definitely going to improve from reading this book.
The next two books are ones that my dad bought me while we were at The Gateway after graduation last week. Unlike the Writing Down the Bones, these two books were picked more to give me inspiration for my writing. I picked them out of the many books on the shelf in Barnes & Noble because I think that they are likely to really help give me something to write about.
Semantic Antics by Sol Steinmetz is basically a dictionary of how words have changed over time. I'm still reading the introduction, but so far I'm really liking this book. It talks about the different ways that words can change as well. Apparently the different types of changes all of specific names. Honestly, I think it would be really interesting to study, which was not what I expected when I picked this book off the shelf and asked my dad if he would buy it for me. Really, I was just thinking that I would be able to open it, pick a word at random and find a way to write about it. I still plan to do that, even though I will probably get more from it as well.
The Pocket Muse 2 by Monica Wood was actually recommended to me by my older sister, Wendy, who was with me at the time. I haven't really had time to just look through it yet, but it seems to be a collection of pictures, prompts and tips to inspire writing. I've seen the first book and I've probably flipped through it at B&N before, but I had never really thought about seriously buying it. However, if I like using the second one, I may just have to go find the first one sometime soon.
I'm really excited about these books. Plus, I think I may be heading to B&N today to look for more. I think it would be a good way to spend my day off, don't you? I could look around at the books for a while and then just sit and write for a while. The idea is sounding more and more appealing to me by the second. After all, what better place for inspiration than a book store?
Since Blogger is being ridiculous and would not let me post this (still isn't, actually,) I'd like to update with the fact that I did spend a significant part of my day at B&N. In fact, I freaked out when I accidentally left my wallet in my car and then ended up spending almost $50. I probably should have left the wallet in the car. However, I'm excited to read Water for Elephants and I'm glad that I finally own my own copy of the miserable thoughts book as well as a couple of others.
Hopefully blogger will let me put this up soon.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
My Perfect Summer
Well it would be something like this:
A good book paired with good music, beautiful weather and an afternoon at the park with my sisters. sounds amazing doesn't it?
That is my day today if my sisters can get ready in time for me to go to the park with them before I have to go to work tonight. I'm reading The Hobbit and I have my iPod on shuffle.
Today is a good day.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
So... I Graduated?
I mean... How? I worked for thirteen years and then last Thursday I walked across a (not really) stage and someone handed me a (not really) diploma and that was it? It seems very anticlimactic, if you ask me. How is anyone supposed to actually feel like it really happened? I don't think it will truly feel real to me until I walk into my first college class in the fall (which I am super excited about and secretly wishing away the summer for.)
I just... can't believe that it's over. I kind of feel like I should need to have a really good happy/mournful cry over it... Because that's what I do. But I'm still in shock. I just... don't know.
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| The only pictures that are currently on Facebook of me actually at graduation. :D |
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Whispers (Another Train Piece)
Sitting on a bench, a young girl leans up to her mother's ear and tells a secret. She laughs and grins as her mother chuckles, amused at her daughter's childish humor.
In a dark corner, two young men stand together, planning something quietly. They look around nervously. One catches my eye and I look away.
A father grabs the arm of one of his rambunctious young boys and whispers harshly in his ear. The boy nods guiltily before going back to his seat to wait for the train, defeated.
Couples are scattered throughout the station. One stands close to a train that is about to leave. He holds her close, whispering what could only be sweet words before they part and she boards the train. He watches longingly as it leaves the station.
Now there is an older woman walking past me. She carries a cell phone in one hand and a brief case in the other. Her quiet words are as rushed as her clicking heels.
My observations are interrupted by the arrival of my own train. I board and sit quietly, looking around at other passengers silently whispering the words of music and books. Some speak quietly to each other.
I take a deep breath and look out the window. My hand comes to rest lightly on the cool glass. "Goodbye," comes my own whisper as the train begins to move.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Rain
As long as I can remember I have loved rain. The fresh smell of wet earth that it creates, the way it makes windows cool to the touch and distorts the view from them, the wet squelch of tires turning on pavement... All of it is so powerful and so full of energy. It is just so cathartic to me to stand outside in the rain and look up at the clouds, as cliche as that sounds. The sensation of it all as the rain runs down my skin just seems to wipe everything clean and allows me to start fresh.
If I weren't currently in my pajamas, I would run outside right now. Maybe I would sit on my porch or lay on my tramp. I would forget myself and all of the things I should be doing and just be as the rain came down on me. Then I would come back inside, a small smile on my face. Once again reassured that I am fine and I will make it through the next two weeks. Nothing that has been done or said would be remembered as I would walk up to my room to go to bed, ready to face tomorrow.
As it is, I open my window as wide as it goes and lean against the window sill as the rain falls onto my face through the screen. It may not be as pure, the net designed to keep bugs and other creatures out holds me in from the storm, but it still refreshes me and reminds me to keep going strong.



