Wednesday, February 1, 2012

So Different, Yet the Same

Parking at Weber is often ridiculous. In fact, if you arrive anywhere between 8:01 and 11:19, you are typically going to spend up to an hour driving through parking lots looking for someone is leaving right that second. I was one of the people who did this several times a week until I realized that it is so much faster just to park at the Dee Events Center and take the shuttle to canvas. That is where I parked today.

After getting off of the shuttle, I noticed that the walkway headed toward the Union Building had white and purple balloons lining it every few feet. I was confused until I saw a sign saying "Wildcat Welcome" with an arrow directing people toward the UB. I was then hit with a realization. Today was Wildcat Welcome. How have we managed to get through an entire month of 2012 with me only barely realizing it? It's crazy really. I remember going to wildcat welcome last year with Carley and our friend Claire. We were all so excited.

Now, a year later, and Claire is in California. Carley and I are going to Weber on very different schedules and having completely different experiences. But back then we were all in the same place; we were all Layton High seniors with big dreams and hardly any clue what we were actually doing. I think that could really describe most of the people that I knew from my senior class at the time.

Where did the last year go? Somewhere between my own Wildcat Welcome and now I managed to graduate high school, work through the drama that is Boondocks during the summer, and survive my first semester of college. I feel like all of this went by in a blur.

And guess what?

I still feel exactly like that Layton High senior with big dreams and no idea what I'm actually going to do with my life.

How is it that some parts of our lives leave us feeling like a completely different person and yet other, more eventful, periods of time end with us feeling like the exact same person we were? It's almost as if I've been standing on stage. The scenery behind me is constantly changing, yet I continue to stand there, looking into the audience with absolutely no idea of what is going on.
The more likely possibility is that I just haven't taken the time to notice all the ways that I've changed in the past year. I'm sure if I spent one day with any of my friends from high school (minus Kara who is the only one I'm still really in contact with) they would be able to tell me any number of things that seem different. Or maybe not. Maybe the changes of the last year were so subtle that they aren't easily noticed right now. Maybe those changes haven't really been completed yet.

mL would certainly be able to point out differences in myself that I haven't noticed. The big difference there is that I haven't seen her in nearly three years. I was going through such huge changes in my life around the time when she moved to Texas that I'm not even sure if we'd be compatible friends anymore. Who knows how much she changed during that time frame.

Anyway, as you can see, my brain wasn't really focused on Human Development of The Short Life of Francis Macombre today. I spent most of my classes thinking about how different things are now and how not different I feel.

Happy February, everyone!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Discovering Potential, Uncovering Dreams

Today, in a (rare) conversation with my dad, I was explaining to him why I was not liking college as much as I had originally expected. I told him briefly that WSU was not meeting the high expectations that I had created for myself through years of dreaming of what my college experience would be like. If we want to be really honest about it, I haven't been meeting those expectations either. Later on in our conversation I was describing to him the loop that I feel I have been stuck in since entering high school. The loop looks something like this:


So I am always cautious of myself when a great new career idea comes to my mind. I try not to let myself get too excited about the possibilities and I try to be fairly rational about the whole thing. What will be best for me? Could I really move across the country from my family? Would I be able to find a job in the field at all? If not, does my major afford me any back up options? Would I still enjoy it 30 years from now? Most of these questions are hard to answer without any experience with them.

My latest idea, though, is something that I believe would leave me with enough options to thoroughly look into it. So what exactly is it that has drawn my attention away from an English teaching major (again)? 

It really started as a result of conversations that I have had with my favorite junior high English teacher and my favorite high school English teacher while I've visited them this year. The thing is, the more they tell me about their difficulties with the administration and the students who really just don't seem to care, the more I think that I wouldn't like being a teacher in the long run. I think I would be passionate about it in the beginning and I probably would love most of the students that I taught. The problem that I have seen, though, is that it does not take much, after a long enough time in the industry, for the job to lose its worth.

That very thought has been in my mind for a few months now. The solution, some other career that I could be passionate about for a much longer amount of time, was what I was lacking. Rediscovering an old dream was what got me set on this new plan. Being a book editor at a publishing company is something that I have daydreamed about since I was 12 years old and my sister, Wendy, and I would talk about how much we loved reading and writing. Who knows if she remembers or not, but we used to talk about how we both wanted to go into publishing. As I grew up, though, I was struck with the reality of just how many of the children who dream about becoming a book editor actually really do.

Really, though, how many of those kids still really want to publish books above all else by the time they're in college? Even more importantly, how many of those college students actually leave their home states in order to join the field that they've been dreaming about? How many of them decide to stay home, close to their families, in a career that they know they can break into more easily?

I'm hoping that my logic here isn't completely wrong... I started researching possibilities today. I've even begun a plan. Most of the high profile publishing companies in New York offer summer internships for college students. I'm going to start putting money away so that by the time I'm a junior I can honestly afford to start applying to spend the summer of 2014 in New York at whatever company accepts me.

That's my new plan. As of today, I'm planning on changing my major to English with a minor in Communications. I'm going to start making a list of books to read and I'm going to spend a lot more of my time reading. I really, really want this. Maybe I'll even find a way to do it while living in Utah. However, for now, I'm not going to let those kinds of things hold me back. I think it's time for me to really look into a new dream. I've been so focused on becoming a teacher for so long that I haven't really thought about anything else that interested me because I thought there was no way I could do it. But I can. And I will.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Confidence and Creativity

Sometimes I am randomly hit by the thought that I am so lucky to have such great people in my life. My family and friends are so awesome. They are always inspiring me to be a better person. Each and every one of them has admirable traits and I am a better person for knowing them. My life would be so different, I would be so different, if I didn't have the people that I do in my life.

So today I wanted to mention two fabulous ladies who always encourage me to strive to be stronger, happier, more creative and so much more... Even if they don't realize it.

The first is a girl that I have known all my life. Literally. Carley and I may not always act like the best of friends, but she is one of the most important people in my world. She is one of the most positive people I know and she has the most infectious laugh in the world. Carley just recently started a new blog called Thirty 33 Three Pounds where she talks about her life in a creative style that I will always attribute to her. Her positive attitude, her determination, and her constant creativity are only a few of the things that I admire about her.

The next person I wanted to talk about is someone that I have became friends with over the last four years. I met Jocelyn in our sophomore year of high school because we were both on the newspaper staff. For a long time I was intimidated by the confident girl who seemed to know so much more about things than I did. I was envious of her impeccable style, outgoing nature, and natural beauty. Since then I have come to admire so many more things about her. In her new blog, When I was 18..., Jocelyn talks about her life now and what her kids will one day know about the person she is now.

One day I hope to be as confident as Jocelyn and as creative as Carley. I constantly strive to be as positive as they both are about their lives. I love spending time with these two girls and I'm so glad that I have both of them in my life. Wherever they both end up down the road, I know that they will be happy and successful.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

New Year, New Goals

I meant to get around to writing this much sooner. I mean, four whole days into the new year and I haven't written anything?!? That may be a first. Here's the thing, though, I don't spend nearly as much time on the computer these days. It's one of the many pieces my New Year's resolution.

I believe I've talked about New Year's resolutions in the past. At the end of 2009 I talked about writing a journal because I wouldn't have to be careful with my thoughts. Two years later, I realize that what I should have actually been working toward (and keeping a journal could still have been my method of doing this) would be making my thoughts more positive. No matter how much I have denied it in the past, I have always been very focused on what goes wrong with my life. This way of being has contributed to bad moods, grades lower than I am capable of, and more than one lost friendship.

What does all this have to do with my 2012 New Year's resolution?

It all begins with a desk. Or, more correctly, it all begins with the lack of a desk.

All through junior high and high school, I would always do my homework (when I actually did it at all) around my kitchen table with my sisters. This worked out well mostly because, in high school and junior high, I never actually had to put much effort into my work. It all came easily to me. What were a few distractions when I could probably do the math problems in my sleep anyway?

One of the things that I learned last semester was that college works requires concentration. Unlike in high school or junior high, my professors are not going to accept the bare minimum from me. I have to work hard on every assignment, every paper. I have to read the textbooks and retain the material. I have to be able to focus. Working around the kitchen table just does not encourage anything of the sort. So I asked my mom for a desk for Christmas.

She actually had me looking at them with her once or twice. We swapped links to websites while she was at work but could never find anything that looked like it would work in my room. I figured that I probably wouldn't be getting a desk for Christmas.

Guess what?

I got the coolest desk ever.

Anyway, the night that I got my desk set up in my room I had my mom come and see it. I mentioned how I thought my walls were boring since I finally took all of my old Science Olympiad medals down. The comment that she made is really what got me thinking about my New Year's resolution in an odd way. She said that most teenagers have posters up on their walls. Simple enough, right? Not that strange of a comment. I have never had posters on my walls and that is kind of weird. I decided then that I needed to get some.

In my search for good posters for my room, I came across the Dalai Lama's A to ZEN of Life. After reading the poster, I decided that I must have it. Each letter of the alphabet is represented by a saying such as "remember that silence is sometimes the best answer" and "stop procrastinating." There are twenty six of them (obviously) and I plan to focus on three of them a month. At the same time, I have a bunch of more physical goals that I plan to work on each month (i.e. going to the gym twice a week.)

My New Year's resolution could be considered one thing (becoming a healthier and happier person) or it could be split into well over 30. Still, I have broken it down into a calendar of goals, an idea that I stole from my friend Jocelyn.

Four days in and I can tell that it is going to be tough. I've been stuck in a not-so-great place for a while with no attempt to really change my thoughts or behavior. This is the year, though. It's time for me to be happy with who I am. For real. No doubt. No questions. No need for reassurance from others.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

I've Learned Some Things

I literally just finished taking my last final for my Fall Semester classes. I have been putting off my Astronomy final for a week and today was the last day to take it. I'm actually quite pleased with my score. When compared with most of my grades this semester, a B does not really look fantastic, but I learned much more from that class than the six or seven phases the universe went through during the first few nanoseconds of its existence. That class taught me about myself more than anything else.

Coming into college in August, I did not believe a single word of what my mom and my various teachers in the past had told me about college being completely different. I truly did not think that I would have to work any harder than I did in high school (which was not hard at all.) It took a while for the realization to sink in that I would have to learn study skills and I would be challenged like I had not been in the past.

I still have not quite figured out the best way for me to study. I know that it is going to require more preparation than what I attempted to use this week for my finals. I know that it will mean that I have to force myself to prioritize better. I also know that I cannot work in a messy space, which means I am going to have to clean my bedroom more often.

In the mess that I created by not studying this semester, I may have lost my full-tuition scholarship. It is not something that I am proud of. In fact, I have spent a lot of time hating myself over it in the last couple weeks. I made a decision yesterday, though. If I do lose my scholarship, I am not going to keep beating myself up over it. I made some bad decisions this semester. Those decisions have created consequences that are probably going to affect me for a very long time. Continuing to be angry at myself over the situation will not help me do any better next semester, though. The most important thing is that I learned from the experience.

Anyway, my first semester at WSU has been a little crazy. Now I have three weeks off of school before I start an even heavier course load next semester. Plan to see me blogging a little bit more during that time. I definitely have some ideas floating around in my head that need to be recorded.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Public-Personal Diaries


So this is the last paper that I have to turn in for my English 2010 class. It's a research/analysis paper about why people blog... Somehow, it's turned out to have a slightly negative tone toward it. I obviously do not dislike blogging... I've kept this blog for five years now. I like blogging. Anyway, here it is. Read it or not. Feel free to let me know what you think if you read it, though.
Public-Personal Diaries
      People have kept personal journals in some form since the beginning of time. Some of the journals have even become an important part of history. Anne Frank’s journal that she kept during World War II while she was in hiding with her family is one of them. Still, most journals were not created with the intention of having the whole world read them. In the last fifteen years, however, the expanding popularity of blogging has placed the personal diary on display for the whole world to see.
     Su-Houn Liu, Hsiu-Li Liao and Yuan-Zeng, researchers at Chung Yuan Christian University, define blogging as “a Web site where journal entries are shown in reverse chronological order and usually provide access to their archives and a way to post comments” (Liu 232). Blogs are written with a large variety of purposes. Some blogs are a form of news while others act as a forum for communication. Even more blogs fit the description that Brian Williams made, “Diaries once sealed under lock and key are now called blogs and posted daily for all those who care to make the emotional investment” (Williams 449).
     Beginning in the late 1990s, the most common type of blog was used to express the American idea that “if it has to do with you, or your life, it’s important enough to tell someone” (Williams 449). As a society, we value ourselves and think that other people should also value the things that happen to us and what we have to say about these events. As a result of this narcissistic behavior, many blogs are created to share the content of a person’s life with whatever part of the world is willing to listen. The internet is such a large place that there is bound to be someone interested and if not then they will have a public place to say whatever they want without the real world consequences of it. Blog writers, or bloggers, can take their lives online and may receive comments or not depending on whether readers have anything to say. This may be why many even continue to write for long periods of time with no evidence of having any audience whatsoever. The act of blogging is like talking to yourself in a crowded room and hoping someone will overhear and find it interesting enough to respond.
     Heather Armstrong began her popular blog in February of 2001 without any expectation of having a large readership. “I launched dooce.com as a place to write about pop culture, music, and my life as a single woman. I never expected more than a couple of dozen people to read it” (Armstrong). Her topics ranged from things like Carnation milk to the men that she had dated. She was also living in Los Angeles and had a full time job. At the time, her blog was merely a hobby.
     Armstrong is one of many bloggers who began with the intention of just writing as something to do. Her blog was a place for her to write down what was going on in her life. Even though she was not expecting many people to read it, she was likely hoping to generate some sort of feedback. However, after blogging about some of the less pleasant aspects of her job, Armstrong was fired when someone anonymously emailed the Vice Presidents of the company. Later that same day she wrote a blog asking this question “At what point does my personal website, regardless of what I’ve published on the site affect my professional life?” (Armstrong)
     Now, ten years later, Armstrong and her family rely on her blog as their primary source of income. She has added marriage, children, and life as a professional blogger to her ever growing list of topics and has a much larger readership than before. Over the years, she has adapted her blog to the changing situations in her life.
     The NieNie Dialogues is another blog that was created with the intention of being a hobby for its writer, Stephanie Nielson. Her blog began ten years ago as a place for her to write about her life with her husband and daughter in Arizona. There was no greater purpose to her blog than having somewhere to show off pictures that she took and share moments of her life with whomever would read it.
     When Nielson and her husband were in a plane crash in August 2008, she was forced to stop writing. Over 80% of her skin was burned, and she was in a coma for three months. During the time that she was in the hospital, Nielson’s sister C-Jane (another well-known blogger) took over the blog. C-Jane updated readers on Nielson’s health and reposted older posts of Nielson’s that were indicated as favorites by her readers.
     In January of 2009 readers were shocked when Nielson came back saying “It’s true. I am alive.  I look different. I walk slow...and type slower.  But it’s good to be back!” (Nielson) Now Nielson is a well-known inspirational blogger, often writing things like “I guess that is why we live each day with faith so when and if something happens to us, we are prepared… It’s not easy, it’s actually a huge challenge… but it is possible and a much easier and happier way to live” (Nielson). Despite the fact that her blogs are filled with punctuation and grammatical errors, her fans continue to read her blog. They continue to read because they are interested in what she has to say.
     When bloggers continue to write over a long time period, it often becomes necessary for them to adapt to changes within their lives and their readership. The tone behind Nielson’s blogging changed significantly after her accident, becoming more inspirational and grateful for every single experience she has in her life. However, she also discusses the difficulties that arise from living with such a tragic injury.
     Armstrong adapted her blog when it became her job. She posts more blogs a day now than she did when she originally began writing. The posts are still short and easy to follow. They are still humorous much of the time and give her readers a sense of who she is. However, they are no longer purely a hobby. Armstrong posts to her blog because it is what keeps her and her family financially sound.
     It was when Armstrong began making an income from her blog and her audience increased that her purpose in blogging changed. In fact, Nardi et. al found in their research that “blogs create the audience, but the audience also creates the blog. This linkage happen[s] in a number of ways: friends urging friends to blog, readers letting bloggers know they were waiting for posts, bloggers crafting posts with their audience in mind, and bloggers continuing discussions with readers in other media outside of the blog” (Nardi 224 ). Not only did Armstrong have to adapt to the changes in her life, but she had to adapt to the popularity of her blog.  The audience that follows her blog no longer have to wait a week or more for her to post something new as they would have in the past. Armstrong is able to write or post pictures multiple times a day because it is her full time job. If she were to stop posting as, her readership would probably drop as they looked for blogs that suited their immediate interest.
     While Nielson and Armtrong’s blogs both have fairly large readerships, there are even more blogs that do not. In fact, according to Liu, Liao and Zeng, there were over 73 million blogs on the internet in 2006, a number that was growing at a rate of 175,000 blogs daily. Most of these blogs are written by people who have not had any extraordinary life event happen to generate readers. So why do these people continue to blog? According to Liu’s research “bloggers ranked pouring out feelings and connecting with people respectively, as their two most valued rewards” (Liu 234). Simply having a space to put their thoughts, emotions and daily experiences outweighs having someone comment on what they are saying.
     This idea that a person’s blog is their space in which they can keep any and every thought they want written down may be why more and more people blog every day. Blogs do not truly belong to the people who are writing them, though. In fact, as David Teten says, “most hosting companies, including blog hosting companies, also have terms of service that are more restrictive than free speech limits” (Teten 474). Bloggers can often find themselves in trouble, whether from the hosting websites or from their readers, when they write based on the idea that they can say whatever they want. What they probably do not consider is what would happen if their online secrets were to be discovered.
     As Armstrong demonstrated when she wrote about the company she was working for, bloggers can write about whatever they please but within limits and with possible consequences. Teten points out that “most hosting companies, including blog hosting companies, also have terms of service that are more restrictive than free speech limits, typically restricting hate speech and pornography” (Teten 474). The general idea here is that as long as bloggers are directly slandering anyone or graphically offending them, they are free to discuss whatever they want. This does not eliminate the real world consequences of their words, though.
     There is no guarantee that what is written on a blog will remain on a blog. Bloggers take a risk when they choose to post their personal lives to the internet. Just as bloggers often adapt their writing to the events that are occurring in their lives, sometimes they are forced to adjust their lives to the consequences of the things they have written when an unwanted audience reads them.
     No matter how anonymous blogs may seem, they really are public archives subject to a complicated web of bloggers and readers. “People typically [find] blogs through other blogs they [are] reading, through friends or colleagues telling them about their blogs or those of others or through inclusion of the blog URL in an instant message profile or a homepage” (Nardi 224). The results of this constant sharing are large blogging communities of bloggers and readers who have similar interests. If a blogger is followed by someone they know offline, then it would not be difficult for others in their lives to hear of the blog and to see what is written on it. The consequences of someone offline discovering online secrets are not often at the forefront of a blogger’s mind when they are writing. They are simply putting their lives out there for others to see, whether they meant to or not.
     In a society as individualistic as ours, it is no surprise that people want everyone around them to care about what is going on in their lives. Blogs provide people with a place to write or post anything that they want in a way that anyone in the world who is interested can see it. While blogging often begins as a hobby, many long-time bloggers find that their blogs adapt into something more specific, like the inspirational words offered by Stephanie Nielson or the humorous commentary that is found on dooce.com. Still others continue to blog for the simple value of having somewhere to put their emotions and to write about their lives. These public, personal diaries are often created with a single purpose but usually end up being something quite different for each person who writes one. Bloggers are forced to adapt to change just as all other people in the world are forced to adapt to their environment and the other people around them.


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Have a Random Fact About Me Because I'm Happy Right This Second...

Colbie Caillat's first album, Coco, is one of my top favorite albums of all time.

<3

Monday, November 28, 2011

Uncertainties

My life is weird lately. For a while now, I've felt kind of... Off. A lot of is still this whole process of adjusting to being in college. Everything is so different. For the first time ever I'm spending almost all of my time by myself. I go to class and I sit quietly because I don't have friends in any of my classes. I go to work and stay quiet because it is very seldom that I work with the one person that I really talk to there. I come home and it's usually late enough that everyone has gone to bed. I spend a few minutes here or there talking to some person in my class or someone in my family before I go back to doing whatever it is on my own.

The whole thing isn't good or bad. It's just different. All through high school I was pretty much constantly talking to people. I was incredibly social. Then I would come home and spend most evenings with my family. I was only working three days a week at the time, so nobody really knew me well enough to talk to me. I was usually sent home early, anyway.

So I feel a little weird about my life. I spend a lot of time just thinking about things and I have no idea where these thoughts have led me at this point. The balance between work and school and home has shifted so much. I don't really know who my friends are or where I fit in my world anymore. I don't really know what I want with my life, present or future.

I don't really even have the words to explain much more than that...

Two more weeks and then I have three weeks off of school. Maybe I'll be able to figure out where my head is then.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Just a Little Something

     Melanie was tired of running. She had been running since the day she turned 12 and she was sick of it. There had to be something out in the world worth staying for. If it had ever been up to her, she would have stayed. But her mom was always moving them. Every couple of months they would pack up and move again. New house. New school. New town. Six years of moving and all Melanie wanted was for something in her life to stay still.


This little bit of writing has been stuck in the back of my head for a week now. I don't know what it is yet. Maybe it's part of what would have been my NaNoWriMo novel had I had time to participate this year. It started off as a train piece in my mind. Maybe that's what it will continue to be. I'm not sure. Either way, I wanted to put it out there just to see if anyone thought anything of it.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Society of Roosters


This is a paper that I wrote for my English 2010 class. The assignment was to analyze an element of popular culture. My topic, inspired by my mom, was feather hair extensions. I'm really proud of this paper because I thought that I had no understanding of what my professor wanted, but it turns out that I did really well. My first college paper and I received an A. :)
The idea of hair extensions is not unique to modern society. Men in ancient Egypt would wear them in order to show their wealth and status. Women also wore them for similar purposes in 19th century Europe. However, the hair extensions of those times were actually made of hair. These days, the most popular form of extensions is actually rooster feathers. These feather extensions have become fairly common, not just among teenage girls, men and woman of all ages.
With the many different colors that they come in, these feathers become a way for people to express themselves. The feathers do not get ruined when people straighten, curl or wash them, which make them even more customizable. They can be used to represent the colors of a sports team or one’s own personal style. People put a lot of thought into the feathers that they put into their hair because, to them, the extensions have a bigger purpose than just looking cool. They can even further express themselves by putting multiple, different feathers in one place.
When my sister started considering getting feather extensions, she spent two weeks looking at the different options and deliberating over how hers were going to look. It was a big decision because the feathers are expensive (anywhere from $15 to $50 depending on how many and what kind) and, more importantly, because they were going to be in her hair for six to eight weeks. She considered getting blue ones that would represent her school pride at her graduation or natural colored ones that would match with anything she wore. In the end she got a red one because it was a way for her to express that there was more to her than her clothes may suggest. She wanted people to look at her differently, and she thought that the feather in her hair would accomplish that goal.
This is largely the appeal of these feather extensions. When they first appeared, it was a little strange and not something that everyone had. They are reminiscent of birds that use their colorful feathers to grab the attention of potential mates. People saw the feathers that others were wearing and considered them a more exotic way to add color to hair than getting highlights. My grandmother had feather extensions put in her hair at the same time as my aunt and young cousin did. For her, they represented youth and showed that she did not fit into the stereotype that some people would try to put her in.
Though people may get these extensions thinking that it will change how others look at them, they end up being more personal. Most people do not look at an older woman with feather extensions and think ‘Wow, that woman is really fashionable for her age.’ In fact, most people probably would not spend much time thinking about it at all. The main thing that these feathers do for people is allow them to change their own ideas about themselves.
Since feather extensions are not really supplied by any one manufacturer, there is no real advertising for them. Instead, independent hair salons rely on the endorsement of the feathers through celebrities in the media. This approach is actually rather successful because people look to the media for an ideal image of beauty. People in our society conform to this trend because we have been programmed to believe that the people in magazines are happier, better looking and better off than we will ever be. So, when a celebrity like Ke$ha, whose tough look and sexual appeal attracts the attention of men and the envy of women, is shown wearing feather extensions, the people who see it will be subtly lead to the idea that once they have feather extensions they will be more like her.
For some people, these feather extensions have become another way to rebel against authority. I have a friend who got her feather to represent that she does not have to be what her parents tell her to be. The simple act of having somebody clip a feather to her head made her feel as if she was more of her own person than she had ever been before. It didn’t matter that in a few weeks’ time, the feather would dye her hair blue and fall out. She still felt as if she was expressing herself in the perfect way.
Which is ironic. Because really, what she was doing was conforming to the idea that by getting feather extensions she was being original. Just as my sister thought she was being original by getting an extension different from her outward style, and my grandma thought she was being original by finding a way to make the trend look good in her own style.
In a society where people are constantly trying to be unique by conforming to the most recent styles and trends, feather extensions allow an even wider range of expression than most other fads. The fact that there is no real advertising for them further allows people to believe that they are one among few, while the amount of people walking around with feathers attached to their heads proves otherwise. Still, people continue to go to the salons and ask for the latest colors and styles. They ask each other where they got their feathers and how much they paid, as if that, too, made them unique.
While feather extensions may seem on the surface to be a simple fashion trend, the people who are purchasing them consider it to be much more than that. The feathers that they wear in their hair represent a much larger idea than what looks cool. They can be a representation of rebellion or a shift away from a stereotype. They are a way to forget the normal trends of society and move toward the exotic. Feathers even have the power to change the way one thinks about his or herself, which is ultimately their purpose.

Friday, October 21, 2011

BFftM: Best Friends for the Moment

Have you ever had that friend who you have known for quite some time, but it is months or even years before you become close? Then once you do become close, you do so pretty quickly, so quickly sometimes, that it seems to be overnight? Well, this seems to happen to me a lot. I swear, I go through best friends like pairs of socks. You know the really cool ones that are so great that you never want to get rid of them, but once you get a knew pair, the old ones are only worn once every few months.

If you look through my blogs of the past five years, you will notice that I have a different best friend almost every year. 9th grade was the year that Mary Lauren and I spent all of our time together, sophmore year was Ian, junior year was Kara, senior year was Maddy... I only even still talk to one of those four. Lately, my best friend has been a girl from Boondocks who is also a cook. Tori is a year younger than me and we actually met two years ago when she was new at our high school and Carley and I were ambassadors.

It wasn't until the last month or so that Tori and I started hanging out. One night at work we were having a really good conversation but couldn't finish it because we had cleaning to get done. When we were done we went out to one of our cars and just continued the conversation.

Now it has become kind of a thing for us. Whenever we finish working but we're not really ready to go home for the night, we get in our cars and meet somewhere to talk. Sometimes we just sit there and listen to music and tonight she told me a story as we looked at the stars through my sun rough. As we were watching, a shooting star shot across the sky. Tori had never seen one before and it was so cool because it worked really well with the story she was telling.

It's great to have a friend who I can tell the things that I never felt that I could tell to anyone else, but I wish there was something in my life that was more consistent. My work and school schedules are always changing, the friends that I have are always changing, and I don't see my family that often anymore. I feel like I'm all over the place all of the time and it reminds me of Desmond from LOST.

I guess I just need a Constant.

:D

Thursday, September 29, 2011

I didn't expect this to be so hard...

I miss my peeps. I don't think I've ever felt like I was truly alone like this before. I'm in a foreign place withe people that I don't necessarily trust and I just want to be with my family... Which is odd to say because I'm related to basically everyone that I'm here with. I need a distraction so that I stop randomly bursting into tears.

I hope they're having fun in Boston, though!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Beauty in the Stars

So, I'm cleaning my room and packing right now. I shouldn't be online, as I have to leave in less than 3 hours, but I found this poem that I wrote while I should have been taking notes in Astronomy during the first week. So here it is:

Turn your eyes
to the stars
and admire 
their beauty.

Why does such
stark contrast
draw my attention
so?

Long have my dreams
been lifted to
the night sky,
the celestial bodies
that hover there.

One day I will
reach the stars
and find there

my destiny.

Lost will be
the science
of my world, 
all that will 
remain is the
surreal beauty
of the
universe.

One day I will
find myself
in the

night sky.

It's not a masterpiece or anything. It definitely needs work. But since I haven't really written a whole lot of creative stuff lately (though I did write a new train piece last week!) I thought I would share this for anyone who might be interested.

Oh! I'm bringing my copy of Writing Down the Bones on the flight to New Orleans. Expect some kind of writing either when I land or once I am back on Sunday.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Promotion!


This is my new Boondocks shirt. My old shirt was blue because I was simply a crew member. I have been waiting months for a promotion. So when my general manager pulled me into his office today after I clocked out I was sure that he was just going to tell me some more things that I needed to work on before he could promote me. The meeting started out that way, too. He was telling me all of the things that he had noticed during our crazy day that I needed to work on. I agreed with him and let him know that I was working on these things. Then he mentioned, very casually, that they were going to be moving me up to Crew Lead. The way he said it (along with the amount of exhaustion I was facing) made me think that this still wasn't something that was happening right now. 

At the end of our talk, though, he grabbed two new red shirts from a cabinet in the office and sent me on my way. My first stop was back at the kitchen so that I could share my promotion with my friends (who have been waiting for it just as long as I have.) We partied for a moment before I had to let them get back to work and head home.

Now, I just have to say that I love working at Boondocks most of the time. I know I have my moments where I wish I could work in an environment that involved a little more sanity, but doesn't everyone? I even had my moment toward the end of my shift today. I was exhausted and I was sick of working a position that I wasn't being paid for (little did I know that I was being paid for it.) 

Still, I love the people that I work with and I even love the work that I'm doing most of the time. Every day that I work is a day that I am  improving my skills in cooking, cleaning and leadership. It may be really difficult for me to remain sane some days, but I still love it.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Just Keep Swimming...

So, as you can probably tell, my life is still insanely busy. Right now I'm sitting with Carley at Weber and I should be working on my English paper that I have to write for tomorrow. I have to work tonight, so the paper has to get done before I go in at four.

I'm not so sure that I've got this whole college thing figured out yet. I'm still just trying to get through every moment without drowning in it. But I'm doing better. I'm definitely enjoying myself more. I think I've found a way to get through my Astronomy class without losing my scholarship.

I'm also finally getting some time off.

Next week I'm going to New Orleans with my dad and some other family for a conference that he is recording. I'm not really sure what I'm going to be doing, but he's paying me to leave school and work behind for five days. I'm all for it. I get on a plane with my cousin next Wednesday evening. We'll meet my dad and the others at the airport. Then I'm coming home Sunday morning. Once I'm home, I'll have no school and no work until the next day. Isn't it great? One whole day with no school and no work. I had forgotten that such days exist.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in briefly because I haven't written in a while. I'll probably post my paper when I'm done with it, but that might not be until I turn in the final draft next week.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

College

College.

This single word is something that I have seen as quite unattainable since I was little. Ten year old Madie could never have conceived that she would ever grow up. Fifteen year old Madi had no idea that, while most of high school would pass by in a blur, she would soon be hoping for the painfully slow weeks prior to graduation to go even the slightest bit faster. Eighteen year old Catherine, or Cat as some of my newer friends call me, is completely overwhelmed by whatever it is that she's gotten herself into.

After having wished away so much time and having spent years and years dreaming of what college would be like, it is strange to be able to finally say that I am a student at Weber State University. It is even more strange to walk into a class and be surrounded by people not only my age but any number of years older than me (a guy in my English 2010 class who I get into discussions with every class, announced yesterday that he has been out of school for 20 years.) It is weird not to be surrounded by people I know and it is a relief to not have to play the social game that was life at Layton High.

Yet, for all of its oddities, I have never felt more in my element than I do when I'm walking through the Union Building or discussing the politics of Modern Family in class.

This is by far, the biggest thing that has ever happened to me, and if I could have some time to just figure out how I'm going to handle all of the homework and get a good study schedule put together, then I would be loving it that much more. However, on top of starting college, I've also been dealing with an ever-increasing number of hours at work. This is because, just over a month ago, my boss fired two of our cooks at the same time that our manager and another cook quit.

For the last few weeks, everyone in the kitchen at Boondocks has been commenting on how different it is. After what happened, there were only half of our original group left. Five new people have been hired since then and the five of us who were left behind have been scrambling to get these newbies trained and to a point where we can step back and let them have a shift or two to themselves.

In the middle of this, it seems that everyone is passing around some "sickness" that always infects them mere hours before their shifts. Do you care to take a stab at who is being asked to cover all of these shifts?

It wouldn't be so bad if I could just figure out how to do all of my homework and work all of these shifts at the same time. What I need is one full day with no classes and no work to take a deep breath and get organized (and do my laundry.)

One tip for anyone still in high school: take the time and make a habit out of reading your textbooks. If you can make it any easier/less like a death sentence now, then you will just do that much better once you get to college. While a lot of what teachers say about college being a completely different, more difficult experience is not as huge as it is made out to be, there is a lot more reading required and there is no way to get around it in most cases.

I know this and I am only halfway through my second week.

I'm going to try to start writing on a regular basis as soon as I've got my study schedule figured out. College classes are giving me a LOT to think about and it seems like I have a great topic for this blog on a daily basis. There is just so much going on in my life right now.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Where I Belong

Once upon a time a girl went to camp and met the most amazing people on the planet. They understood her and were more similar to her than anyone else she had ever met. Two people in particular became her best friends and they spent the week talking, laughing and stealing each others' things. Before the girl knew it, the week had come to an end and everyone went their separate ways. Now she is home and wants nothing more than to be with her friends again. At least school starts in two weeks, right?

Eventually I will get around to writing a detailed post or two about Project Launch, the amazing time I had and the people I met. For now though, I'm going to go get ready for work and get back to life without my fellow Launchers and Mentors who I already miss immensely. This past week was filled with some of the best days of my life and I don't think I could ever forget it.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Where has the summer gone?

Here's the thing, it's been a month since I've written in this blog. Remember how I said that this summer was going to be my summer of writing? Well, instead it has turned into my summer of reading and working and trying to find something in my life that I could write about. I keep trying to turn back to the novel that I have been trying to write since eighth grade, but that whole idea is so old to me. I've explored the story in my head and I know what should happen. Do you know how hard it is to write a story that you already know? I want to discover a new story somewhere. I want to daydream about the world's next biggest sensation while riding a train and then spend years developing it before fighting to send it out into the world. I don't even care if it ever becomes a well-read book. I just want characters to write. It has been a while since I've been truly invested in a character. I miss the feeling.

And...

When I think about it, my life isn't really lacking inspiration for characters. All around me are people who inspire me. I just... Don't have a story. Where do I start? That is something I would like to ask every author. What scene did they first write? I very much doubt that J.K. Rowling began writing her epic tale in the cupboard under the stairs. In fact, I'd like to imagine that it was the scene on the train where Ron, Hermione and Harry first meet, or even the scene in the Forbidden Forrest when Harry encounters Voldemort drinking the unicorn blood.

Or...

Did she start from the end? It is common knowledge that the last chapter of the seventh book was actually written before she completed writing the first one. How could she have possibly known how big her fictional world would become when she first wrote that final chapter, though? I think I'd love to see the original draft of it. I think it would be a really good testament to the writing process to see how much it all changed between the publication of the Deathly Hallows and the conception of the Sorcerer's Stone.

Wow...

I'm just going to pretend that the Harry Potter nerdiness that pretty much is my life has not seeped into this blog, alright? We're just going to ignore all those words that completely fit my point were not really what I wanted to talk about.

A Crew Lead and a Supervisor from my work were fired today. Both are guys that I have worked with for a while and have come to know at least semi-decently. I saw them both in the kitchen before I knew they were fired and even had an interaction with one that confused me at the time. I doubt I will see either of them ever again. I had no idea at the time, though. These things happen to me all of the time. People come in and out of everyones' lives. It is just how the world works. Still, when things like this happen... I just feel the urge to write them somehow. It's not that I have any kind of story to tell about the two people that were fired today, but rather that I feel like their personalities are such that I want to write them into something... How can I, though, when I have nothing to write in the first place?

Anyway, pointless contemplation aside, I have the day off tomorrow. It is the last day off that I am going to have for two weeks. Partay. So I really do think that I should find some way to write a story with all of these characters floating around in my head. After all, there are four completely empty composition notebooks next to my bed that I bought months ago in preparation for this summer. There are only four weeks left. Does anyone have a muse that I could borrow?

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Pay no attention to my rambling...

I knew this summer was going to be different.

Everything about the past year has been different. Parts of it have been fun and others have been difficult. Still others have been downright irritating. Still, I knew it was all coming. I've been prepared for nearly every change that has occurred in my life in the last year.

Yet, it seems that no amount of preparation is enough. I knew that with graduation everything was going to change once again. I'm no stranger to adjusting. It seems that for the last couple of years, every time I've become used to the way my life seems to work everything begins to change again. I've learned the best ways to roll with the punches and adjust to my flexible environment.

Still, I'm a little overwhelmed this time.

A little less than a year ago, I was hired at Boondocks Fun Center. I've been working as a cook in the Back Porch Grill for eleven months now and I feel like I am finally getting to the point where I can handle a rush without freaking out and screwing up. It's something that I've worked very hard toward. I've created friendships with the people I work with and I think my manager finally sees that I am serious about my job.

It just figures that now that I find myself liking my workplace and the people I work with, I am finding myself faced with a difficult and yet obvious decision. I'm not getting the hours I need. I should be working at least thirty hours a week and I'm lucky at this point to be getting thirty hours a paycheck. It has been enough to get me by for the past year, but... Like I said, everything's changing now. I can no longer get by on $250 a month.

I need another job to get me through the summer. Then, come August, I will probably be forced with a decision. Which job will best for me during the school year? Which job can I afford to keep?

The problem is, I hate the process of finding a job. It took me a year to get my interview with Boondocks. It was a year of applications, resumes and plenty of frustration. I hated that part of my life. I don't want to be back there again. I don't know how some people do it. I tried for a year. I filled out hundreds of job applications and was only even asked in for one interview. Now I have to do it all again and I have to do it while working my job at Boondocks.

When did summer stop being about days spent out in the sun? When did it become just another period of time for me to get through so that I can move on to the next? The thing that I've hated most about graduating is that I feel like I'm nowhere right now. I'm not really working toward anything except being about to afford life. I have goals, but nothing big. I feel like I'm doing nothing. There's nothing worse then that feeling. I spent the better part of my time on this blog in 2010 talking about how much I hate it, that feeling of not going anywhere but having so much that I really need to do.

I guess I just need to take a deep breath. There's really nothing that will come from ranting about it all.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Inspired

Writing Down the Bones is so much more than I expected it to be, even when I read the first couple of chapters during school. I've been ready at least a couple pages everyday and I've taken to highlighting everything that I find interesting or inspires me. There hasn't been a single page that I haven't highlighted anything and I've had so much going through my mind because of it. The book may be about writing, but I think anyone could gain something from reading it. Regardless of whether or not you're a writer, it's still interesting and valuable to have a mind that is so active. I have so many thoughts about so many things running through my mind and because I am a writer, I think that I could sit down and write about it all for days.

I may sit down and write about it all for at least a few hours. I don't think I'd ever want anyone to read it, but that's not the point, is it? Natalie Goldberg talks a lot about "first thoughts" and writes a chapter on obsessions and that seems to be the mode that this book has put my mind in right now. Every new thought or memory that comes to mind is surprising and I just need a way to express them all without losing a single one. It sounds like I'm writing in the wrong place right now, doesn't it? If I'm having all of these "first thoughts" that really should be written down, why I am writing about them instead?

I think I'm going to go write in my notebook for a little while. I'll let you know if anything good comes out of it, but I don't really mind if nothing does.