Thursday, May 21, 2009

Time and Again

It's about that time of year again. The time when everyone starts counting down the days like minutes. Plans for summer are beginning to come into place. Classes are pretty much done. Most students are wondering why they have to continue to come to school for these last few weeks (If we didn't have to come the last two weeks then the last two weeks of school would just be moved back and... Well, it's just a never ending circle.)

My sisters and I are flying to Ohio tomorrow. My oldest sister, who lives there, is graduating from high school on Sunday. I never thought that I would actually get to go to her graduation. But I am. And I never thought that the day I would get my driver license (my step dad is constantly telling me that it is "driver license" and not "driver's license") would come so fast. But it has. And again I'm left thinking about time. And change.

In the last year my environment, my life, and even my personality, have all changed a lot. Not completely. I still live at my house, but I definitely spend more time here. I don't go to Fairfield Junior High anymore. Instead, I go to Layton High School. I'm not involved in the school so much and a lot less people there know me. As for my personality... Well, go back to my first blogs. I think you can tell from my writing style alone that I have changed. Sure, I may still be talking about pretty much the same things, but I'm different. I don't form my sentences the same way. I don't have the same habits. However, I've changed so much more than that. I've matured.

My two littlest sisters start at Fairfield Junior High next year. They are twins, like me and Carley. However, they are identical. I wonder if they will have more friends than I did, if they will love the school as much as I did (To an extent I still do, but I believe that part of me maturing was realizing that as much as I loved Fairfield, it was the people there that really made it so great. I still spend time with the people. So I really never lost Fairfield. And if I really did suddenly miss it that much, then I could always just go over and sit on my favorite stairs for a while. I spent a lot of time doing that.), if they will be as involved... Basically, I wonder how different their experience there will be from mine.

Not that I will ever really know the answer to that.

Almost a year ago I had my last day at Fairfield. I can tell you what I did that day. In AL I said goodbye to my class and had them all sign my pretend yearbook (I wouldn't get mine until I was on the bus to the airport the next day) and helped Mrs. Nelson with yellow mark day. Then in English I wrote my final journal for Mr. T (more on that in a bit) and we talked about my grade... I had to look that up on Mr. T's website. It must have been a really short talk because I don't remember it. I don't even know if we did anything else that day. I doubt it. In Orchestra, Mrs. Tuke talked to all of us 9th graders about how much she would miss us all who weren't going to Davis and I played my viola for the last time in a group setting like that (I think I almost cried when Mrs. Tuke was talking). In guitar I think we were allowed to pretty much do whatever we wanted. So I went out to the field and watched some of the science classes launch rockets. I am pretty sure that I just talked entirely through Algebra II that day. I know we weren't doing anything. After all, the entire class was 9th graders and it was our last day of classes (for some it was just our last day, others would have Lagoon Day and Yearbook Day to look forward to). I actually, don't remember what I did at luch that day. I was really really sad that it was my last day and I think I was probably thinking/talking about that. In science I went out and launched my own rocket. Which, as I remember, did pretty well. Then I hung out with Emma O. for a while. My last period of the day was spent talking to Mrs. Barney and some of the other yearbook people, plus I think I went out and watched the rockets again. After school I had my last ever AL meeting, my last ever time staying after school as a student there. I have a picture from that meeting. It isn't of me, but rather three of my closest friends. I also have a picture of me sitting on the stairs waiting for my ride after that meeting. I was crying.

That night was the 9th grade dance. I didn't go because I had a lot of studying and preparing to do for the National Science Olympiad competition in Washington DC that weekend. However, I've seen pictures and my friends tell me that it was a lot of fun.

It seems like that day was in another lifetime. I remember it, I remember how I felt, but I don't feel like it actually happened. It could very well have been a dream if I didn't have the pictures to show that it wasn't.

The other day I was cleaning my room and I found something. A red spiral notbook with purple lettering in my best friend's handwriting on the front cover. My journal from Mr. T's English class. And then I remembered what that last journal had been about. It was a response to a letter we had written to ourselves earlier in the year. I responded. Asked some questions for my future self. Then I made a promise to myself that every year I will make it my goal to write another letter on May 28th. I will fill up the last pages of that notebook, or at least that is what I told Mr. T.

I still plan on writing it. In fact, when I get back from Ohio I am going to post the old letter before I start writing this year's.

Anyway... I just lost my train of thought.

This was a really long blog. So I think it makes up for my lack of posting lately. :D Even though the contents were pretty much pointless.