Monday, September 21, 2009

LIFE

Madi Randquist: It's better to give up and move on than to continue to hope for something that is just hurting you... Right?

Madi Randquist: I am not dramatic. I am not emo. I do not act like I'm emo. I'm not depressed. I am just having a bad week. Alright?

Madi Randquist: So... Week 5 of Junior year coming up... Busy busy. Shades meeting and AP Psych test monday, FBLA tuesday, AP Language vocab test Wednesday, FBLA opening social Thursday, FBLA officer meeting Friday...

These are a few of my Facebook statuses over the last little while that kind of describe my life lately. Two of them describe my mood and the other describes the craziness of my it all. My mood is more related to people. Specifically one of my best friends. (And I know that this could be breaking a deal with my mom... She told me to get him completely out of my life for two weeks... But I can't get it out of my head, and maybe writing about it will help.) The thing is, he isn't really a very social person. Or at least... That's what he says... And so, even though he and I hung out at least once a week every week since school got out, every time I have tried to get him to do something since school has started nothing has happened. Once I got really close to doing something with him and in the middle of a phone call he made plans with someone else...

And all of this just really hurts. He went a week without talking to me, forgot we had plans, and then got upset with me when I couldn't help him with his physics lab because I had to be at something he told me he would go to with me. And I've tried talking to him about it. 'It doesn't matter.' He said 'You shouldn't care. I don't.' Well thanks. I'm very glad that something that has come to mean a lot to me over the past six months means absolutely nothing to you. I'm glad to know how much our friendship is worth.

The first Facebook status post is what I said when I decided that it was no longer worth the drama. He commented on it saying: "Lol. Emo." It is something that he has been saying a lot about me... Or was saying, I haven't actually talked to him in a while. And, as you can see by the middle Facebook status, I got tired of it. I was not happy and I was spending more time trying to get him to talk to me and do things with me than actually saying a word to him. So, I'm done with that drama. I am no longer trying to get him to do things with me or trying to talk to me. If he doesn't want to be my best friend anymore... So be it. I'm done fighting it. I'm done with letting it hurt me. I'm trying not to care...

A friend should not be a bad thing. Friends shouldn't cause you to be in a bad mood pretty much constantly and they shouldn't cause you to pull away from your family. Especially when they don't even care. So, for now, I'm not doing anything. I'm not texting him, I'm not looking at his Facebook, I'm not calling him. And if he were to text me or to try to get my attention, I'm not going to do anything about it... For now. That will change. I'm done talking to him everyday... Because he's done talking to me everyday. We haven't had a meaningful conversation since school started.

I'm determined to bring myself back to who I am: a happy person who loves to write and who loves to be with people.

Anyway, that's only part of my life as of late. I'm also incredibly involved in school. As you can probably tell from the last of my Facebook status updates at the top of this post. I'm involved in a lot of different clubs this year and I am taking hard classes. However, I think I can handle it. I know I said before that I thought I was in over my head, but by eliminating the major drama from my life I have simplified things a lot.

FBLA, Newspaper, Shades, Science Olympiad, Key Club. Five different time consuming things that I am involved in. Newspaper is the most important, because I get a grade for it and because I am co-Editor in Chief. FBLA is next because I am an officer who has not been in the club before and therefore there is a lot for me to learn and I need to spend as much time in doing so as possible. Next is Shades because I am also an editor for the magazine, though it doesn't take as much of my time or nearly as much effort. Science Olympiad come after that, because I hadn't even thought I was going to do Science Olympiad this year until last week. This came along because Abby and Linzie tried out for the team at Fairfield Junior High and if they make the team they have to have coaches. I offered to coach Disease Detectives for Abby. Then, as I was talking to Layton's Olympiad coach, I mentioned that I was coaching, and then that, since I was coaching, I might as well do Desease Detectives for Layton High. So there you go, I'm back to being a nerd. Key Club is last because it doesn't take hardly any time at all and I am only really doing it because Carley, Emily, Hillary, Kara, and Julissa are.

Other than that I have my classes 1) AP Calculus, which at times seems ridiculously hard and at others ridiculously easy. 2) Editors is pretty awesome. I love having the time just to work on the paper. 3) US History 2 Honors... I don't like the homework in this class... However, I love the class itself. There are so many awesome people in there. 4) Newspaper is pretty awesome. Our first issue is finally coming together.and I am excited to see how it comes together. 5) AP Psychology is pretty stressful, though I love it. We have a lot of reading to do, and if I could actually get myself to do the work then I would be set. 6) AP Language is awesome. It is such a great group of people combined with a really great teacher. And I LOVE it. 7) AVID is the only class that I don't really like this year and it is probably only because it could never compare to how awesome it was last year. 8) Calculus Lab is a great class because I never have homework in Caluculus. Kara and I work together and make sure that we are getting the right answers and getting our assignments done in class.

So anyway, that's my life right now. Lots of school. Lots of trying to get rid of drama. Lots of trying to force myself to feel like myself again. I'm pretty off lately, but I'll be better soon... I don't know why I am feeling so weird lately, but it's getting better.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Bolding Not-So-Random Things is Fun

Time is a crazy thing. It just keeps going faster and faster and there is not one thing that anyone on this planet could do to stop that. The moments that seem the most important, the most significant, are the ones that go by the fastest. I have noticed that a lot more lately. The more you want to hold on to a moment, the faster it passes. Is that just me? I do not think so.

In May I went to Ohio to see my oldest sister graduate from high school. The whole weekend I kept thinking about how crazy it was that Wendy was graduating. Wasn't it just yesterday that we were walking down the street from Dad's house to the bakery? Weren't we just with dad, playing games and watching movies in grandma's basement? It was very bizarre to me. My dad kept saying that we would blink and the weekend would be gone, we would blink and I would be the one graduating. We would blink and time would have flown by again.

Earlier this summer I invited Kara to come boating with my family and I. We were sitting up in the front of the boat, my favorite place to relax in the world, and we started talking about how crazy it is that we are now juniors. So many of our friends are graduating from high school this year. Isn't it crazy that we've known each other for four years? I think it is. I know Kara laughs at me when I start talking about things like this. As you can tell from reading my blog, time and change are my favorite things to rant about.

Time has flown by faster than ever in the last four months. A lot of things have changed... Part of that is my ability to create a decent blog post. All of them seem to be the same now... I can't believe that I'm running out of things to talk about. I always have something to talk about.

Maybe it isn't so much that I have run out of things to talk about... But that I just don't have a lot of things to blog about. Obviously, there are many things in my life that I can't or won't talk about on this blog... It would feel good to write these things out and possibly talk to someone about them... But I am not so sure that the consequences would be worth it. Believe it or not, my life is pretty crazy right now. There's a lot going on in my mind and Kara could tell you that when we are together I hardly ever run out of things to say.

One thing that I do not mind talking about is my mood as of late. If you have been around me then perhaps you have noticed that I am irritated a lot lately. I don't like it. In fact, I hate it and I am trying to get myself out of it. As I said though, there is a lot going on in my mind lately. Most of it isn't really happy... Though it isn't incredibly bad. I'm not overly angry at anyone or anything like that. I'm just... Annoyed.

And... I don't know. I could go into greater detail... But I don't think I will on here. There are a lot of contributing factors... School, family, friends. I think I'm in a little over my head this year... My classes are good and I love all but one of them, but I got involved in too many extra things. I've also got friends from different groups who I want desperately to hang out with... But when I bring them together... Let's just say that it isn't the party of the century. They don't fight or anything. They just get quiet and I get bored. They complain... Not to point any fingers.

I don't know. I'm working on it. My mood. My obnoxious and pointless blog posts. My over-active brain. All of it.

In the meantime life is still good. I still have friends. No matter how irritating they are at times.

:D