Sometimes I am surprised by the things I find when I read through my old posts. Who wouldn't be, really? I've written in this blog through six years. I've changed so much and so many things have happened to me. Today I read one where I went back and answered questions created by my ninth grade Honors English class. One of the questions was something about a piece of writing that changed the way I thought. The whole answer is a little unfocused, but there was part of it that had me wondering where I had come up with these words because it just seems so true and so not something that I would ever say.
" I believe that the way that I think about the world, the universe, has been shaped by the books I have read even more than my own experiences. I have not experienced much. I have read a lot."
Friday, February 24, 2012
Sort of a Train Piece
Remember last year when I was writing a bunch of short stories about people on trains? Well, I found myself writing another one of them the other day. After about a week and five different beginnings, I've come up with something that is really unlike the pieces I wrote last year. I think the length of this could end up being more like the stories that I was writing in junior high. It is kind of inspired by thoughts and decisions that I am making in my life right now. It's not incredibly original and is probably full of cliched ideas. I'm loving it, though. It's been a while since I've truly been this into writing something.
Anyway, here's what I have of it so far. Let me know what you think.
There were a lot of things that Melanie Parker would change about her life if given the chance. Like every other person on the planet, she had made choices she was not proud of. It wasn't often, but she sometimes gave in and let herself be consumed by the 'what ifs' that plagued her mind. That wasn't unusual, though. Melanie was positive that everyone wondered at times what their life would be like had they chosen to take a different path.
Melanie was also certain that everyone had a moment that changed everything. Most people didn't acknowledge it, but the moment was there all the same. It was the fork in the road. Sometimes the choices were clear and a conscious decision was made. Other times, like with Melanie, the other option was hidden, a dirt path covered with bushes and hard to find if you were not looking for it.
The soft whir of the speeding train had lulled her into these thoughts. She stared out the window at the passing scenery, one hand holding the book in her lap open while she lost herself in the warm colors of the falling leaves outside her window.
It would be nice to get home for a little while, Melanie thought. She needed to get away from the serious world she had created for herself and get back to the familiar silliness that her family and her hometown.
"Do you mind if I sit here?" A tall man with dark brown hair and sharp blue eyes pointed to the seat across from her.
Startled from her thoughts, Melanie shook her head. "Of course not." She hadn't even realized that the train was stopped, she had been so focused on the musings of her overactive mind.
The man sat down, setting his black leather shoulder bag on the seat next to him and taking off his hat. Melanie tried not to stare, but the man's piercing eyes and mysterious demeanor drew her in. He caught her gaze after settling himself and she quickly turned away.
The train was moving again as Melanie turned back to the window, too distracted to continue her thoughts. She fought the urge to look back at the man sitting across from her. She wished she could start a conversation with him without seeming too nosy or strange.
"Headed into the country?" The man asked, not seeming to have the same social inhibitions as Melanie.
It's pretty rough right now. This is just the general idea that I have written out at the moment. I have a lot more plot to this than my train pieces usually have. I almost feel like this could tie them all together, though. It would be great to get some opinions or ideas if anyone cares to share. :)
Anyway, here's what I have of it so far. Let me know what you think.
There were a lot of things that Melanie Parker would change about her life if given the chance. Like every other person on the planet, she had made choices she was not proud of. It wasn't often, but she sometimes gave in and let herself be consumed by the 'what ifs' that plagued her mind. That wasn't unusual, though. Melanie was positive that everyone wondered at times what their life would be like had they chosen to take a different path.
Melanie was also certain that everyone had a moment that changed everything. Most people didn't acknowledge it, but the moment was there all the same. It was the fork in the road. Sometimes the choices were clear and a conscious decision was made. Other times, like with Melanie, the other option was hidden, a dirt path covered with bushes and hard to find if you were not looking for it.
The soft whir of the speeding train had lulled her into these thoughts. She stared out the window at the passing scenery, one hand holding the book in her lap open while she lost herself in the warm colors of the falling leaves outside her window.
It would be nice to get home for a little while, Melanie thought. She needed to get away from the serious world she had created for herself and get back to the familiar silliness that her family and her hometown.
"Do you mind if I sit here?" A tall man with dark brown hair and sharp blue eyes pointed to the seat across from her.
Startled from her thoughts, Melanie shook her head. "Of course not." She hadn't even realized that the train was stopped, she had been so focused on the musings of her overactive mind.
The man sat down, setting his black leather shoulder bag on the seat next to him and taking off his hat. Melanie tried not to stare, but the man's piercing eyes and mysterious demeanor drew her in. He caught her gaze after settling himself and she quickly turned away.
The train was moving again as Melanie turned back to the window, too distracted to continue her thoughts. She fought the urge to look back at the man sitting across from her. She wished she could start a conversation with him without seeming too nosy or strange.
"Headed into the country?" The man asked, not seeming to have the same social inhibitions as Melanie.
It's pretty rough right now. This is just the general idea that I have written out at the moment. I have a lot more plot to this than my train pieces usually have. I almost feel like this could tie them all together, though. It would be great to get some opinions or ideas if anyone cares to share. :)
Saturday, February 18, 2012
When I Was 19
I wrote the other day about how I always get big ideas when I'm about to leave for work. Another place where my mind really just goes wild is when I'm driving. I'll be headed to school or work or wherever I have to be and all of the sudden a phrase or image will pop into my mind. It's often inspired by the music I'm listening to. Usually it has something to do with whatever big decisions I'm trying to make at the time.
Yesterday, as I was driving home from school, I was thinking about college and UVU and my ever changing ideas about what I want to do with my life. I was thinking about how big of a change I'm going to be going through in about six months. Then I realized... Everything that I'm doing right now, all of my big dilemmas and uncertainties, they're all going to be stories one day. When I'm older and have everything figured out, when I have kids that are facing similar issues, I'll probably tell them about how I was absolutely clueless about what I wanted to do during my freshman year of college.
I'll be able to tell them that it isn't necessary to have everything figured out when you graduate high school. I remember thinking that last year. I thought that I needed to have a specific plan. I also thought that I was ahead of a lot of other people that I knew because I was sure of my path; I knew what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. That couldn't be farther from the truth these days. I've changed my mind about everything this year. I want to be a different kind of person, I want to go to UVU, I don't want to be an English teacher. These things are all big in their own right and they all leave me with dozens of new things to figure out. I'm not really close to having any of them straightened out in my mind.
That's ok, though. There's nothing wrong with having to take some time to figure things out. I'm still in school and I'm still working. That's the important thing. I don't need to have things figured out completely as long as I'm still moving forward.
This whole thought process was at least partially inspired by Jocelyn's blog that I mentioned a while ago. It was her idea first that these are the things she will be telling her children one day. So when I'm old and have found my place in the world, I can tell my kids that when I was 19 I didn't have any idea what I was going to do with my life. But I figured it out.
Yesterday, as I was driving home from school, I was thinking about college and UVU and my ever changing ideas about what I want to do with my life. I was thinking about how big of a change I'm going to be going through in about six months. Then I realized... Everything that I'm doing right now, all of my big dilemmas and uncertainties, they're all going to be stories one day. When I'm older and have everything figured out, when I have kids that are facing similar issues, I'll probably tell them about how I was absolutely clueless about what I wanted to do during my freshman year of college.
I'll be able to tell them that it isn't necessary to have everything figured out when you graduate high school. I remember thinking that last year. I thought that I needed to have a specific plan. I also thought that I was ahead of a lot of other people that I knew because I was sure of my path; I knew what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. That couldn't be farther from the truth these days. I've changed my mind about everything this year. I want to be a different kind of person, I want to go to UVU, I don't want to be an English teacher. These things are all big in their own right and they all leave me with dozens of new things to figure out. I'm not really close to having any of them straightened out in my mind.
That's ok, though. There's nothing wrong with having to take some time to figure things out. I'm still in school and I'm still working. That's the important thing. I don't need to have things figured out completely as long as I'm still moving forward.
This whole thought process was at least partially inspired by Jocelyn's blog that I mentioned a while ago. It was her idea first that these are the things she will be telling her children one day. So when I'm old and have found my place in the world, I can tell my kids that when I was 19 I didn't have any idea what I was going to do with my life. But I figured it out.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Ships in Port
I've realized lately that I tend to get really big ideas right before I have to leave for work. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe it's because that's when I'm online looking through random things in an attempt to distract myself from the night ahead. Maybe not. Either way, I had another idea to add to my long list last week.
I guess it wasn't that new of an idea. The whole thing is actually something I've been considering for a few months now. However, I was talking to Jocelyn on Facebook and she mentioned something about how she wished Carley and I were down at UVU with her for various reasons. We were just joking with each other while I helped Carley with a picture she was editing for Jocelyn, but still. What she said sparked my thoughts and I found myself telling her that I had actually been considering transferring down there. We talked more and she said that she would help me figure out a budget.
The result of all of this has been a lot of hard thinking for me. Can I really afford to transfer to UVU? Turns out that the answer to that is yes. It means changing some of my other long term plans, but which plans are likely to be best for me? I want to go to London next summer, that's very true. What I've realized over the last few months, though, is that I really don't like Weber. I don't feel like I'm going to meet my potential there. I also feel like it would be really good for me to be out on my own... At least a little bit.
Jocelyn and I were hanging out at her house last week when we came across this quote on pinterest:
I guess it wasn't that new of an idea. The whole thing is actually something I've been considering for a few months now. However, I was talking to Jocelyn on Facebook and she mentioned something about how she wished Carley and I were down at UVU with her for various reasons. We were just joking with each other while I helped Carley with a picture she was editing for Jocelyn, but still. What she said sparked my thoughts and I found myself telling her that I had actually been considering transferring down there. We talked more and she said that she would help me figure out a budget.
The result of all of this has been a lot of hard thinking for me. Can I really afford to transfer to UVU? Turns out that the answer to that is yes. It means changing some of my other long term plans, but which plans are likely to be best for me? I want to go to London next summer, that's very true. What I've realized over the last few months, though, is that I really don't like Weber. I don't feel like I'm going to meet my potential there. I also feel like it would be really good for me to be out on my own... At least a little bit.
Jocelyn and I were hanging out at her house last week when we came across this quote on pinterest:
A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are for.
I guess I'll leave it at that for now. Once again, I have to go to work. But that's the latest on me. I'm finishing out the rest of the semester at Weber and then I'll spend the summer saving for my first year at UVU. I'm kind of really excited.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
So Different, Yet the Same
Parking at Weber is often ridiculous. In fact, if you arrive anywhere between 8:01 and 11:19, you are typically going to spend up to an hour driving through parking lots looking for someone is leaving right that second. I was one of the people who did this several times a week until I realized that it is so much faster just to park at the Dee Events Center and take the shuttle to canvas. That is where I parked today.
After getting off of the shuttle, I noticed that the walkway headed toward the Union Building had white and purple balloons lining it every few feet. I was confused until I saw a sign saying "Wildcat Welcome" with an arrow directing people toward the UB. I was then hit with a realization. Today was Wildcat Welcome. How have we managed to get through an entire month of 2012 with me only barely realizing it? It's crazy really. I remember going to wildcat welcome last year with Carley and our friend Claire. We were all so excited.
Now, a year later, and Claire is in California. Carley and I are going to Weber on very different schedules and having completely different experiences. But back then we were all in the same place; we were all Layton High seniors with big dreams and hardly any clue what we were actually doing. I think that could really describe most of the people that I knew from my senior class at the time.
Where did the last year go? Somewhere between my own Wildcat Welcome and now I managed to graduate high school, work through the drama that is Boondocks during the summer, and survive my first semester of college. I feel like all of this went by in a blur.
And guess what?
After getting off of the shuttle, I noticed that the walkway headed toward the Union Building had white and purple balloons lining it every few feet. I was confused until I saw a sign saying "Wildcat Welcome" with an arrow directing people toward the UB. I was then hit with a realization. Today was Wildcat Welcome. How have we managed to get through an entire month of 2012 with me only barely realizing it? It's crazy really. I remember going to wildcat welcome last year with Carley and our friend Claire. We were all so excited.
Now, a year later, and Claire is in California. Carley and I are going to Weber on very different schedules and having completely different experiences. But back then we were all in the same place; we were all Layton High seniors with big dreams and hardly any clue what we were actually doing. I think that could really describe most of the people that I knew from my senior class at the time.
Where did the last year go? Somewhere between my own Wildcat Welcome and now I managed to graduate high school, work through the drama that is Boondocks during the summer, and survive my first semester of college. I feel like all of this went by in a blur.
And guess what?
I still feel exactly like that Layton High senior with big dreams and no idea what I'm actually going to do with my life.
How is it that some parts of our lives leave us feeling like a completely different person and yet other, more eventful, periods of time end with us feeling like the exact same person we were? It's almost as if I've been standing on stage. The scenery behind me is constantly changing, yet I continue to stand there, looking into the audience with absolutely no idea of what is going on.
The more likely possibility is that I just haven't taken the time to notice all the ways that I've changed in the past year. I'm sure if I spent one day with any of my friends from high school (minus Kara who is the only one I'm still really in contact with) they would be able to tell me any number of things that seem different. Or maybe not. Maybe the changes of the last year were so subtle that they aren't easily noticed right now. Maybe those changes haven't really been completed yet.
mL would certainly be able to point out differences in myself that I haven't noticed. The big difference there is that I haven't seen her in nearly three years. I was going through such huge changes in my life around the time when she moved to Texas that I'm not even sure if we'd be compatible friends anymore. Who knows how much she changed during that time frame.
Anyway, as you can see, my brain wasn't really focused on Human Development of The Short Life of Francis Macombre today. I spent most of my classes thinking about how different things are now and how not different I feel.
Happy February, everyone!
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