I knew this summer was going to be different.
Everything about the past year has been different. Parts of it have been fun and others have been difficult. Still others have been downright irritating. Still, I knew it was all coming. I've been prepared for nearly every change that has occurred in my life in the last year.
Yet, it seems that no amount of preparation is enough. I knew that with graduation everything was going to change once again. I'm no stranger to adjusting. It seems that for the last couple of years, every time I've become used to the way my life seems to work everything begins to change again. I've learned the best ways to roll with the punches and adjust to my flexible environment.
Still, I'm a little overwhelmed this time.
A little less than a year ago, I was hired at Boondocks Fun Center. I've been working as a cook in the Back Porch Grill for eleven months now and I feel like I am finally getting to the point where I can handle a rush without freaking out and screwing up. It's something that I've worked very hard toward. I've created friendships with the people I work with and I think my manager finally sees that I am serious about my job.
It just figures that now that I find myself liking my workplace and the people I work with, I am finding myself faced with a difficult and yet obvious decision. I'm not getting the hours I need. I should be working at least thirty hours a week and I'm lucky at this point to be getting thirty hours a paycheck. It has been enough to get me by for the past year, but... Like I said, everything's changing now. I can no longer get by on $250 a month.
I need another job to get me through the summer. Then, come August, I will probably be forced with a decision. Which job will best for me during the school year? Which job can I afford to keep?
The problem is, I hate the process of finding a job. It took me a year to get my interview with Boondocks. It was a year of applications, resumes and plenty of frustration. I hated that part of my life. I don't want to be back there again. I don't know how some people do it. I tried for a year. I filled out hundreds of job applications and was only even asked in for one interview. Now I have to do it all again and I have to do it while working my job at Boondocks.
When did summer stop being about days spent out in the sun? When did it become just another period of time for me to get through so that I can move on to the next? The thing that I've hated most about graduating is that I feel like I'm nowhere right now. I'm not really working toward anything except being about to afford life. I have goals, but nothing big. I feel like I'm doing nothing. There's nothing worse then that feeling. I spent the better part of my time on this blog in 2010 talking about how much I hate it, that feeling of not going anywhere but having so much that I really need to do.
I guess I just need to take a deep breath. There's really nothing that will come from ranting about it all.
