See that countdown at the very bottom of the page? Notice as the numbers rapidly decrease, bringing me ever closer to the culmination of my high school career. That is my life right now. It seems as if that countdown controls almost everything that I do. Every day I wake up and think "only ..... days until graduation." I go to school and tell myself that I can make it. High school may be driving me crazy but I am so close to being done! It will all be over soon enough and I will be able to look back at it all fondaly and say that it has been worth it.
It's not just me.
The entire senior class seems to be operating in similar fashion these days. Our teachers constantly remind us that we need to remain strong. We are almost at the finish line and it would be ridiculous to stop when we are standing right in front of it. The newspaper staff is finishing up our fourth issue and beginning our brainstorms for our final paper, our "Senior Edition." There are posters advertising our senior bash in the hallway. Everything is working its way to this single point in our lives. I have always known that graduations are important, but until recently I had no real sense of how pivotal they really are.
It is hard to describe how I am feeling about life right now. So much is changing for me. Last week I went on what is very possibly my last Spring Break camping trip with my family. Next year, while my parents and little sisters are down in Moab or at the dunes, I will be working in Kaysville or going to class in Ogden. I may be living at home for my first year of college, but life is going to become very seperate from my family. The whole idea is at once liberating and frightening. I am not sure if I know how to live a life that is completely my own, if that makes any sense.
My life has become very complicated lately. Not in a dramatic sense, I just have so much going on in so many different areas of my life. Aside from the reaching the end of high school and contemplating how different my relationship with my family is going to become, I have also become very involved in my job as of late. I have been talking to my managers more than ever before and working hard to find how just how it is that I need to improve. When I started working there, I didn't really mind that other people were getting promoted and I seemed to be going nowhere. However, there seems to be an upcoming opportunity for me. If I can step it up a little and show the powers that be that I am deserving, I could very well see myself being promoted within the next six months. It is a very cool idea.
Do you know what the best part about my life is right now? I am not trying to compete with anyone in anything. That includes myself. I am working to be better in all aspects of my life but I am not being overly obsessive about it. I really am content with myself and the way I am living my life. I am satisfied with how I have planned my future and while I am ready to start college and move on to the next stage of my life, I am not horribly anxious to get there. I am not depending on anyone or anything else to create my happiness. I have tried that before and it does not work. The only way to be truly content with yourself is to create those positive thoughts and situations for yourself.
This is the idea that I am living by right now. For the moment, it is working.
"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change."
- Barbara de Angelis
